Ketchup

So it's been awhile since I last posted... whoops! 

Here are some things that have been going on...

• My cousin, Amanda got married back in May.  It was a Friday night wedding and a lot of fun because all the people I'd normally hang out with (i.e. my cousins) were there.  So it was like hanging out with them with free alcohol - can't beat that.  We had a lot of fun.

My hair is a mess and you can blame Mr. Daniel for that...

• We celebrated mother's day what feels like a month ago.  It was a really nice day.  We had an early lunch at Blueberry Hill.  Then we checked out the 250 exhibit at the History Museum (totally recommend this exhibit - very cool to see and it's FREE!!).  Next we headed to Ted Drewes for custard.  It was a beautiful day spent with my amazing mom and awesome sister.

• The following weekend Lindsey, Susan and I went to see the Chippendales!!  I saw they were coming to town and always heard that it's a pretty fun thing to go and see... and it did not disappoint!!  We had a lot of fun!!  Afterwards Susan and I went to my cousin Dave's birthday party.  A very nice night!

• Later that same weekend Dan's nephew, Tanner, got baptised.  He was even a god father.  It was a very nice little ceremony followed by a delicious lunch.\
• 

  
• That started off a pretty busy week for me - Wednesday night was Survivor Finale for which I went to Michelle's place (as always).  I even made these cookies for the celebration.



•  The next night Susan and I took a painting class that was Wine and Canvas and took place at the Lakehouse on Creve Cour Lake.  It was a lot of fun and very relaxing!

 

• Next up was Memorial Day weekend which was pretty tame.  Dan and I bbqed and played washers together, which was nice, but not very exciting.
• This past weekend wasn't that exciting either.  I started working on my cross-stitch again (I needed a break, but it's getting pretty far along!!) and started watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix.
• I'm sure there are other things I'm missing that were good too... I however can't really think of them off hand... life has been good!!

15 thoughts about turing 30

Yes.. I'm turning the dreaded 3-0 in just one short day... and honestly I think I'm still in denial about it... it's like I know it's happening but I don't actually believe it to be happening...

So I thought I'd put together a list of thoughts I've been having before I turn 30  **Originally this was going to be 30 thoughts before turning 30... but I don't have 30 thoughts... when I was struggling to get just 15 I knew there was no way I was getting to 30... but hey 15 is half of 30 so that's good right?

1. While I know I'm only getting a year older it feels like so much more... the jump to 29 to 30 is like a big one.  And it's a stupid reflective age - like where did I see myself by the time I was 30... and let me tell you it's not quite lining up there my friends.
2. I'll just get this one out of the way real fast... a lot of my 'issues' I have is related to kids.  Yes, I want to have them, but now that I'm almost 30 it's like WHEN??  And that only gives me like 10 more baby making years... and what if I can't get pregnant and all those scary kinds of questions that are related to the kid issue.  I really don't want to talk too much about it because I already have with some people... but it's scary... yes there's plenty of time, but yeah, that thought is there...
3. My boss told me that turning 30 was way tougher than any other milestone birthday... so if that's the case it's all downhill from here, right??
4. Looking back my 20s have felt like a LOONG time... I mean I've come a long way in 10 years from a college student to owning a house and being all adult-like.  So hopefully my 30s feel loong too, because I can tell you I'm not ready for 40s yet.
5. I'm a homeowner by the time I'm 30 and I did it pretty much on my own - that's pretty awesome.
6. Is when you hit 30 when you actually really become an adult??  Because I don't think I'm ready to be a full, real adult yet.
7. I know a lot of stores say they card people who look under 30... that means I still hope I get carded for awhile at those type of places... I can't possibly look over 30 at this point... right??
8. I still have my whole life (again) plus some before I'm retirement eligible... how's that for depressing?
9. I'm happy I'm getting closer to 'older and wiser' than 'young and stupid'
10. Wrestlemania turns 30 this year too...
11. When you were younger it was like all the actors and actresses and sports dudes were older than me... and now we're getting to the point where they are younger than me (or around my age) how weird... although the Blues just signed a new guy who's 19... 19! He's just a kid!
12. I didn't used to understand why people would freak out about turning an age... I get it now... I totally get it.
13. I think I should have stopped getting zits by now... that's a teenage problem
14. When I was born a tree started to grow at my parent's house.  Somehow along the way it was deemed the 'Jenny Tree'.  When my parents moved from that house they dug up the tree and replanted it at my Grandparents' house.  My grandparents have since moved from there, but we drove past it last night.  And my goodness that tree is so much bigger.  As a kid it was a good climbing tree, but now those branches we used to climb up to are so high you couldn't climb that tree anymore... it was pretty amazing to see and think about.
15. Can I just turn 29 again?

Here's to the last day of my twenties!

Stay-cation

With where the holidays fell this year combined with my off days (every Friday) I decided to take a bit of vacation.  I used 40 hours and was off work for 8 work days in a row... (Dec 25-Jan 6)  Then we got a crazy blizzard that pretty much closed St. Louis.  I was able to telework that week.  I ended up going to the office for a couple of hours on January 9th only to be sent back home... since I also teleworked on December 23rd and 24th... which means I was pretty much away from the office from December 19-January 13.  Man looking at it spelled out that way that's almost a month!

So what did I do with all that time off?  Well, at the time it didn't feel that long, but looking back it's like what did I do?!? 

Well, Daniel was off work, so there was a fair amount of time spent with him.  I managed to do some exciting things like clean out my closet and organize the bathroom closet...

I also hung out with my Dad and brother... we went to Final Cut Steak House at Hollywood Casino.  It was so delicious (and I'm not even a steak fan!)  Afterwards we hung out in the casino until nearly 1am!  It was fun hanging out with the two of them!

My mom's travel buddy, Joe, was also in town for awhile.  We had a game night with him where we ordered Imos pizza and played game.  I love playing board games!!  It was a really fun night.

We also decided to have an impromptu New Years Eve party.  I made WAY too much food including bacon wrapped smokies, spinach artichoke dip, monkey bread, chocolate chip cookie dough dip, and rye bread pizzas (why do I feel like I'm missing something?).  Kyle made chili cheese dip and Dan grilled some pork steaks.  So much food and it was so delicious! 

NYE was a lot of fun, we had Kyle, Michelle, Liz and Ken over.  We toasted champagne at midnight and shot off some fireworks.  We played Cards Against Humanity.  It was the perfect night in my opinion.

What else? What else?  I worked on my cross-stitch a bunch.  I thought it might be fun to show these two pictures (so pictures right?)  This depicts how much I can get done in one hour.

Beginning

One Hour Later

Not that big of a difference huh?!?

I also watched some of Weeds on Netflix, I'm up to season six I believe.  Also watched way too many Law and Order SVU episodes.

We hung out with Kyle a few times including going to a Mexican dinner with him and a couple of his friends - a lot fun.

The negative part was I did have a bit of a cold this week... sadly it's still a bit with me... but a lot of people got a stomach bug so I'll take my pesky cold over there.  Speaking of - I'm hardly ever sick... so when something silly like a cold happens I'm just a big baby about it.

I had to deal with the DMV.  I had a bit of trouble getting my car inspected.  Turns out it was leaking fuel.  Luckily for me it was covered under a recall.  So I finally sat down to get the new stickers and they couldn't verify my insurance information online womp womp.  So I went to the DMV on the last day of the year (totally smart call wouldn't you say?)  It ended up being just fine, but geez, I was worried there for a minute when I had been standing there 5 minutes and the line had not moved AT ALL. 

Hmm... what else what else?  Honestly, I was a bit like a kid, I stayed up way late and slept in late too... it was awesome!  Overall I think I was pretty lazy, but it was great to be off that long!!  It was like a school-aged kid's winter break... or what teachers get... all for 40 hours of annual leave.

Given by the end Dan and I had spent about 3 weeks non-stop together - so it was really nice to come back to work.

It's been a minute and Cake Balls

Well... I haven't posted anything in awhile... geez.  Mostly because I had a couple of weeks off work and just kinda did a computer detox (yes, still checked things on my phone, but writing a whole entry on my phone isn't the most fun)...

Then we had a crazy winter storm and I was teleworking all last week.  By the end of the day I was so sick of my stupid laptop.  I mean, I'm sure I'm about to sound spoiled now, but going from two large monitors to a tiny laptop screen would make anyone crazy!

So here I am... almost the middle of January with SO MUCH to catch up on!

Here are the things I want to write about to capture my own memories:

• Christmas
• Stay-cation
• 2013 Wrap Up
• 2013 Resolutions - How did I do?
• 2014 Resolutions

Since I don't want this post to just be a teaser of all the things I'm meaning to write about... I'll write about cake balls.

These are what I make for Christmas... over at my dad's family they just love them.  I've made them for a few years now... Looking back, I'm not sure I've posted about this before...

Anywho - I always use red velvet cake combined with green chocolate.  This way when you bite into them they are red!  I add Christmas colored sprinkles to the top.

This year I did something a bit different with them.  The last couple of years my dad said he thinks they would be even better with a cream center.  My brother has always disagreed.  This year I decided to research and see if it was possible to put in a cream center.  So I googled and found this recipe.  It seemed easy enough so I went for it.

Making the cream filling was a bit challenging because I did not need to make as much as the recipe called for since I was only filling half of the balls with cream (man I'm feeling like there's some dirty jokes in here or at least a good 'that's what she said')  It was a fair amount of guessimation on my behalf, but I think I figured it all out - just kept tasting and adding things.

I made little holes in half the balls and added the cream through a make-shift piping bag (Ziploc with a corner cut off)... I'm not going to lie - I really enjoyed this part, maybe I need to pipe things more often?  Then you cover the cream with a bit more cake ball mixture.

Half with holes

Cream filling!

I got a mixed reaction at Christmas about which were better - cream or no cream... I think the no cream won out, however everyone told me that both were good.  I know it's weird, but I don't really eat them, so I can't tell you which I think is better either :)

All pretty and finished - the dark green had no cream and the light green did

Oh and for whatever record in case I look back on this next year and wonder what I did - I bought 4 bags of chocolate this year (2 of each color) and ended up only using 2... in years past when I've tried that I always ended up needing more... figures huh?

Thankful

I live a very blessed life and have a lot to be thankful for on a daily basis.

I am thankful for the family I have.  They are truly amazing and care about me.  They make me smile and I honestly enjoy being around them.

More specifically I'm thankful for all of my parents... The older I am the more I realize just how amazing my parents are.  I am so lucky to have parents that care so much about me and specifically have THEM.

I am thankful for my friends - they make me laugh, they let me vent, they are really great friends and I'm lucky they are in my life.

I am thankful I found a house that I love so much.

I am thankful for a pretty amazing boyfriend who can always fix the house when it breaks.  He's so smart.

I am thankful for all our wonderful animals and each of their unique personalities.

I am thankful to have a job I like coming to.

I am thankful for delicious delicious food

I am thankful to have the Friday after Thanksgiving off for the first time in seven years.

I really hope that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving - eat a lot of food!! Gobble Gobble.

Office Tour Part 2

Ready to see the rest of my office??

Here's my wall of doodles - I really don't see them much since they are behind my monitors

The one end of my desk - with all my random stress balls and such.  There's also a picture of me, my boss and an intern we had (he's in the center).  I also like my Mario mushroom.  There's a mason jar with flower pens and a balloon flower that still looks good (from almost three years ago)

This is more what I can see hanging - My boss game me that taco bell packet b/c she thought it was funny (says don't throw me under a bus).  Next to that is my paper bracelet collection - I keep them all that I get at concerts and whatever.  I write the name, date, and place on each as well.  There's also some random cards.  In the lower right hand corner is a lounge chair for a cell phone.

Here's a better look at my cards.  My mom has given me two of them (the ends), my dad gave me the one in the middle and Dan gave me the Snoopy ones.  The second from the left is the first card he gave me.  My boss gave me the Flowchart card on the lower part

This is one of my computer speakers - I looked at it for years and always saw a face so I just made it official.  Next to that is another cell phone holder, but this guy holds a cake instead... I even gave him a post-it note ring. (does this make me a loser I'm just not sure)

Here's the other end of my overhead thing.  You can see the second calendar I have.  There's also a random collection of animals I picked up here or there.  Dan got me the beanie baby platypus after a story I told him.  I have a Blues thunder stick from a playoff game (there's another one behind the desk) and my two Cardinals towels from post seasons.  I'll talk about the Cardinals stuff below.

My zoo calendar (#3) a work related thing I don't even use anymore and a map of the US with the states I've visited outlines... I now realize you can barely see the highlights - I'll need to change that!

Here's my Cardinals stuff - a Rally Squirrel, a Mr. Potato Head, a David Freese bobble-head, a baseball bat from the Louisville Slugger Factory, and a pretty photo print my friend Liz gave me. 

That's a fun little tour of my office.  Thanks for stopping by!!

Office Tour Part 1

NOTE:  Man, really did bad this weekend with the daily posts - bad Jenn!!  These will be post-dated but I failed the challenge.... I'll still get 30 posts during November - that's the end plan :)

I thought it might be fun to take a quick tour of the things I keep in my office as it's becoming more my space.  I am lucky to have my own office for the time being.  Actually I've had my own office for almost two years now... but in the grand scheme of things we won't be in this building forever (supposedly) and will have a brand new building in 2015 (we'll see).  At that point I'm not sure if I'll still have the comfort of my own office - but I'll enjoy it while it lasts!

This is the back of my door - I've started keeping all paper keepsake kinds of items here.  Sporting and Movie tickets - the fronts of programs and other random paper items.  It makes me happy to see my collection grow.

This wall has my standard government calendar - the Yellows are my off day, the pink is holidays and the purple are vacation days.  Also, you can see the away certificates I've received.  Top and bottom are shining stars (which is an internal award given by coworkers), the second from the top is my certificate for helping with the Golden Age Games and the other is an Excellence in Government Award which means less to me than the other ones.

Here is my filing cabinet.  On top you can see the picture of me and my sister.  My boss got a framed picture for everyone when we moved to this building.  The funny story about that is my brother is in it as well (same picture that's hanging on the front) but that was when I was going through my divorce and they didn't want to put a pic of my ex on there so he got cut out just to be safe.  They were sneakily finding pictures. 
The blue certificate holder and the glass block you can barely see in front of it is my award for being nominated for the Amber Blaze award as part of a team.
You can also see my collection of bows - I don't really collect them, but throwing them away just seems silly.
Then we have two pictures of me and Dan on the left and on the right is a couple of family pictures.
Below that is my trip magnets.  I got a magnet from everywhere I've had a work trip to (Denver, San Francisco, Baltimore, Las Vegas, San Jose, San Diego, Indianapolis, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, San Francisco (again), Atlanta, Los Angeles, Washington, DC, Salt Lake City, Miami, Las Vegas (again), San Diego (again), and Nashville.)

Here's a better look at the pictures.  The funny thing I want to note is the far right picture actually has my ex in between my mom and me - I cut the picture slide it over and taped it and you would hardly ever know he existed in that pic.

Here's the side of the cabinet - a magnet someone brought back for me (doesn't go in my trip arrangement) and a picture my cousin's kid, Abby colored for me.

Here's the edge of my desk... my water cup that has my name on it.  My pens, pencils, and highlighters in a glass mug that I was given at a conference including my two silly pens - Flamingo and punching glove, some thinking putty, and wax lips... and a deformed paperclip I've since thrown away.

Here's my metal for helping with the Golden Age Games - it hangs on my Dry Erase board which currently has nothing on it.

Here's my first monitor - I have my cute candy corn paperclip holder (I was given that by someone when I worked at AGE)  I have all my fortune cookie fortunes along the side and a quote at the bottom that helps with anxiety - "You fear something that does not exist"

This is my second monitor.  This includes two doodles of my name I liked.  A silly sticker that says "A phony smile is better than a real frown" and another quote I like that I got from my mom "It's not the thoughts or actions of another that influences the quality of your life; It's your own thinking that determines it"

Stay tuned for part 2...

Five Places to Visit in St. Louis

Since I've done a bit of traveling, and we visit certain things in each city - it made me think about what things would I tell someone to visit if they were a tourist in St. Louis.  I'm sure there are a bunch of these lists and I'm sure that I'm probably missing something so cool and so neat that it's just downright shameful... BUT I do know somethings about his city and thought I'd put together a list of things I think people should do when they come to St. Louis.

1. The Gateway Arch aka Jefferson National Expansion Memorial:  I love the Arch... let me say that first.  It's truly amazing!!  I will never get sick of looking up at it.  That being said after I've been up there like billion times while working there I do think the trip to the top can be overrated and overpriced.  I still think that if you've never done it before and/or are visiting St. Louis it's one of the things that you should just do!  The tram ride to the top is different and an experience in itself.  While looking out the windows is neat for awhile the better part is seeing the floor curve and being able to stand at the tip-top of the Arch.  The other cool thing is you might even be lucky enough to feel it sway.  I'll tell you from working there I only felt it truly sway a handful of times - although visitors swore they were feeling something (they weren't), but it's quite the experience if you do get to see it.  Another thing:  If you can't see the top of the Arch when you are on the ground you will not be able to see much looking out.  I could probably go on way too much about the Arch because it is near and dear to my heart... so I'll spare you some details - So... just go there.  Also, you can visit another National Park Site!!
   
 
2. Forest Park:  I'm cheating a bit with this one - because you could spend multiple days at Forest Park, but I only have five places on my list and I could come up with five places within Forest Park alone.  The park covers over 1,300 acres.  I can't remember the stat exactly but it's on scale with New York's Central Park in size.  The nice thing about St. Louis is a lot of our museums and our zoo are free to get into!  Some of the things at Forest Park include the St. Louis Zoo, Art Museum, History Museum, Science Center, and the Boathouse.  All of these places are wonderful, but of course there's even more that's not listed.  You should also just drive around the park - there's a lot to see!! 
   
 
3. Grant's Farm:  I grew up just down the street from Grant's Farm, meaning I saw it pretty much every day.  I love Grant's Farm.  I love that it's free to get into (you can't really get by without paying to park which is $12 if I remember correctly)  There are many things to see here but my favorites are seeing the shows and feeding the baby goats bottles.  I also like that you can feed camels - because where else can you do that?!?  They also have an awesome biergarten where you can even same some Anheuser Busch products!  Their deer park is awesome too they take you on a "train" and you can see animals up close.  The cool (or frustrating park depending how you look at it) is you see different animals nearly every time.  Oh, and you can see the famous Clydesdales!!
   
 
4. City Museum: City Museum is just one of those places you have to see to really understand.  It's amazing - every where you look there something and they are continuously building new stuff.  This is fun for adults and kids alike... however probably not best for small kids.  You will probably have even more fun than I did recently if you're gutsy enough to climb in tunnels... I always have a weird fear of getting stuck.  There are a lot of add-on things you can do while here and honestly I haven't done many of them.  The City Museum is just truly amazing and giant work of art that you you play on... it's really just incredible.  I know I haven't said much in this post about what it actually is.  You just need to go there any experience it for yourself... trust me, you won't be disappointed!
   
 
5. Magic House: I have not been to the Magic House in years... it's really aimed at children and since I don't really have any children to go with, I haven't been.  That being said, I know it's a great place to visit especially if you do have those aforementioned kids!!  It's grown substantially since I last walked through it's doors and I really want to see what's in there.  It tends to rank high on lists of best places to visit.  I still have fond memories of going there - like the big slide down from the third floor or the electro-static ball that makes your hair stand up or the room where you jump around with the colors - not even sure if those things are still there, but if they are not just know even better stuff replaced them.
   

 

That concludes my list of five places you should visit in St. Louis... nothing is probably that surprising on the list... maybe I should do another entry with five more places that may be different than lists already out there.  Is there anything you think should outrank some of these... I could have replace Brewery Tour for Magic House to hit the adult crowd :)

 

Friends

There are times that I there is a good topic to talk about on here.  But at the same time they are topics that just can't be written about on here. 

What I mean is... They are things I would want to write out and put my feelings to words. But they are posts that could unleash a can of worms that it is simply not worth offending people. 

A lot of this revolves around my friends feelings. I crossed this bridge a lot when I wrote during the early stages of my divorce. People thought I was writing about them specifically. (Side note we all do this. For instance taking someone's Facebook status to be about them when in reality it's not that person at all. I know I'm guilty of this). It's just the nature of living in an Internet world I suppose. 

I have a lot of thoughts about growing up and the friendships I have. Sometimes I feel very discouraged... And I while I would love to pour my heart out to my blog citing specific examples... I just am not able to... I mean the last thing you would want to spilling your very sensitive feelings just to get them thrown back in your face. 

I think I like to over share about situations. If you are close to me you know I can babble on about a truly unimportant event just because I want to... Just like right now except I'm being more vague. 

So when it comes to social media how do you balance the need/want to share your feelings because it's your Facebook page or your blog while juggling the sensitivity of your friends/family?

Mostly these days I choose not to put it out there and mostly I think that's probably the best way to handle it. Then it can't get you into too much trouble. Although not everyone chooses to act that way... Which can be frustrating. 

This post's focus has shifted a bit for me haha... But while writing it I realize what I really want to talk about is just one of those things that is probably better if I don't write it...  

Here's what I want to say I guess... Sometimes it makes me sad that I don't have more close female friends. I feel like I'm a good friend, but I keep losing people in my life. After it happens time-after-time I start to wonder if it's me and not them, but looking at the specific examples they all make sense and doesn't point the finger directly at me (not saying it's the other person's fault either). So... It just gets discouraging at times, but at the same time I have to stand up and say I won't be treated this way. 

In the end it's just how time works and how friendships go... I know that. At some point in the future it may swing back the other way... And it probably will! 

I love my friends and so grateful to have them in my life. Nothing recently really spurred this post just thinking about things... I guess that's all

PS I wrote this entire post from my phone so if there are spelling or grammatical errors that's why. 

5on5

Here are five random things...

1. When I was younger I had a crazy irrational fear of being abducted by aliens.  I think it all spurred from watching Unsolved Mysteries, but I was seriously scared it would happen.... I'm pretty sure it got to the point where I didn't want to be home by myself and slept in specific positions... it's totally irrational and kinda funny now-a-days
2. I am left handed... I've probably mentioned this before, but people seem to forget or not notice.  I like being left handed for the most part... although things like standardized tests were always a bit messy.  I actually realized a new annoyance the other day when I was getting my tattoo (more information tomorrow) I had to fill out some questions and had to read, circle the answer, lift my hand up to read the next question, and repeat... it's just takes longer... I bet that came into play on those standardized tests too... maybe that's why I never was the greatest at them.
3. I've beaten Donkey Kong 64 (on Nintendo 64) with almost 100% completion... I think technically I was over 100% but there was one giant banana that DK needed to get that I was never able to do since you had to beat the original version of Donkey Kong with just one life... um... totally hard, I finally just let that one go.
4. I've watched the entire Gilmore Girls series at least 10 times I'd say... with the exception of one episode which I've finally seen twice now.  It's the episode in season seven after Richard Gilmore has a heart attack and he's in the hospital.  It's a corrupt file in the season that was downloaded to my computer... and it's hard to find it online in general.  I finally randomly caught it on ABC Family one day when I was off.  That series is great!
5. When it comes to getting candy I'm a bit of a saver.  I remember for Halloween or Easter or Christmas I would always save the best pieces for 'later' and then I would never eat them.  I've tried to get better about that and eat the good stuff first, but I guess that's the saver in me haha.

November Writings

I decided that I would continue the tradition of writing every day during the month of November.  I first started this two years ago.  That was when I was freshly going through the emotions of a divorce.  Then last year I decided to write each day in November about something I was thankful for.  Those entries were short and sweet... but I enjoyed being able to express some things that I really truly am thankful for.

I think this whole idea of blogging throughout the month of November is NaBloPoMo which is when you blog each day throughout the month of November.  It is based on NaNoWriMo which is when you challenge yourself to write an entire novel through the month of November.  Of course, I could never write a novel (you've read my blog posts right?) but I can (and will) write blog posts this month.

I have a list of topics that I want to cover... a lot of which I have been planning on writing for awhile.  Somewhere in mid-October I thought about posting each day in November again and it just felt right.  I enjoy the challenge and overall my postings this year have been much more consistent which I appreciate since it's great to look back.

I hope that this month won't be as depressing as November 2011 was (although looking back at some of those entries I really know that writing helped me through a terribly difficult time in my life going through the early stages of divorce and losing my Grandma).  This year also won't be as focused and short as last year.

I'm just excited to have something to work towards.  I hope I'm able to accomplish it!  And I hope my readers will enjoy having a new entry each day.

Happy November!!

(Seriously though can you believe it's already November, this year has really flown by!)

(also, how many times can I use the word November in one post?  I counted 10)

What I'm Watching

I watch a fair amount of TV... I love TV... I am not sure if we will continue to have cable in the house (hey it's expensive).  If we choose not to... well I'm going to miss a lot of things I watch. 

But that's not really the point of this post... I just want to tell you about some of the things I'm watching on television right... well all summer long.

These are in no particular order... and it seems like way more when it's written out...

• The American Baking Competition (CBS):  Jeff Foxworthy was the host.  He wasn't terrible, but I could have done without him too.  I really ended up enjoying this show.  It was fun seeing all the different baking things they did.  I think that's why I liked it so much - the variety of the things they baked and it was all baking.  The contestants were very likeable too - and everything looked so good you wanted to try it.  If this show comes back I will be watching it!

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• Dance Moms (Lifetime):  I have been a fan of this show since the beginning.  It's just so out there crazy that it's just entertaining on so many different levels to me.  The show has gotten pretty ridiculous and it seems they are just redoing the same plotlines over and over.  This show is suppose to be reality but it's pretty staged - but I DO NOT CARE.  I also really enjoy watching the girls dance.

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• RW/RR Challenge - Rivals 2 (MTV):  You already know I want this one since we are doing a fantasy game with it.  I really enjoy the challenge aspect of these shows and there's just the right amount of drama... it's a perfect mix!  Some pretty crazy things can happen.

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• Breaking Pointe (CW):  This show is about Ballet West, a premiere ballet company in Salt Lake City.  While I could tone down the drama a bit, it's really intersting to learn how a ballet company works.  How do they cast a show?  What are the different roles?  It's really interesting to me.  Plus, I love watching people dance ballet - I mean isn't amazing to see them dancing in pointe shoes?

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• America's Next Top Model (CW):  I didn't really want to add this to the list, but I have been keeping up with it so far this season.  This show just continues to get more crazy (they had a runway that involved the models walking down a side of a building... come on).  This season there's both girl and guy models... so we know there will be some sexual tension.  It's totally silly, but whatever it's easy to watch and follow. 

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• Project Runway (Lifetime):  This is one of my favorite shows.  We are also doing fantasy PR.  I am doing terrible at it by the way.  I'm down to just four designers.  I love all the challenges and seeing them put together clothing.  I'm not a huge fashion person, but some shows just do it right, and this is one of them.  You can say what you like and what you don't.  The judges are likeable... overall you should watch this show if you don't already!

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• Food Network Star (Food Network):  I picked this up midway through the season.  My mom recorded it and I ended up watching it.  The people were likeable and the challenges were fun.  I've watched bits and pieces of other seasons.  It's not something I have to record, but I enjoyed seeing it when I did watch it.

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• Arrested Development (Netflix):  It took me awhile to get through all of the episodes, but when I did it was great.  I need to go back and rewatch them all.  You have to watch them all before you make a judgement of the new season since it's just done so differently.  I hope they come out with more!

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• Sister Wives (TLC):  I love following this family but I have to admit this season has been a bit tough to watch.  The editing has been bad and feels like they are repeating the same things over and over and over.  I really like following the Brown's journey, but come on give us some more information.  Also, seems like they focus a lot some things and then glaze over other things that seem way more interesting.

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• Breaking Amish - LA (TLC):  I picked this up since it came on right after Sister Wives and the promos looked good.  I enjoy learning about different cultures, so learning more stuff about the Amish has been very interesting.  there was a previous season that I didn't get into, but this season I've really enjoyed it thus far.

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• Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Teen Nick):  This show is old, but I've been recording the episodes and rewatching them.  They are totally silly now, but I like the actors and the nostalgic feeling of watching them.  I only have about 30 episodes to catch up on the DVR...

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That's my summer list... maybe I'll be back this Fall with those shows!

You really like me

Getting back into the dating scene is strange.  Even though it's only been about five and a half years since I did it last - things have changed.  I can't imagine someone getting back into the scene after longer than that.  Facebook, texting, etc, all complicates things!

This entry really isn't about dating... but about something different.  I feel like my attitude in meeting guys is just different.  I remember a time when I was younger that I really conformed to the guy I was dating... I don't even really think that I was comfortable with myself... in my own skin.

I was still developing my personality... who was I? what did I like?  what didn't I like?  what would I tolerate?  what kind of guy was I attracted to? etc.

I mean, some of this stuff is ever changing... what I liked when I was 22 isn't completely the same as I am now at 28.  I feel like I'm really rambling... but the point is, now that I'm back out there in the dating world I just feel like I'm too old to be anybody other than myself 100%.

I am too old to pretend to be anyone other than myself.  To pretend I like things I don't to pretend I don't want certain things in my life.  I'm also way too lazy to lie.  Keeping up a lie is just super difficult and takes way more energy than just telling the truth.

So that's how I'm approaching this scene... I'm myself... I'm going to tell the truth.  I am confident in my own skin.  I like my style and I know that I like some dorky things.  I like sports but I also am girly.  I am who I am... but if you don't like me for that, then well, there's someone else out there for me.

I want someone that likes me for me.  I want someone that when they learn something new about me likes me more because of it.  I know I've talked with guys before that I uncover (so to speak) a new fact and suddenly I'm even more smitten (of course this can go the other way too!)

I know that some people fail at this stuff... but I'm trying really hard to be genuine to myself.

The other thing is I really wanted to be mostly okay with myself, my situation and being single before I set out on this venture.  Was I 100% there when I first started talking with guys?  No, but each day that passed the closer I was.  Now, I'm here, where I feel more like myself than I've been in awhile.  I am happy outside of my previous relationship and I'm in a place where I am good with moving forward.

Wow, I've really just rambled on there... I've just been giving a lot of thought to this recently.  Yes, there probably is more of a story about this whole dating thing, but dear blog readers you'll know everything all in due time.  I will leave you with one thing - I'm happy :)

What have I been up to?

I'm thinking it might just be easier to do a recap post of some things that have been happening in the last month or so...

In the beginning of February I took another art class with my mom and her friend Jen.  This is the same place I have blogged about before - the South Broadway Art Project.  This time we took a class where we used paper pulp to create Mardi Gras inspired masks.  (of course you didn't have to make Mardi Gras masks, but that's the colors had to choose from.)  In this class we make paper using the screens and then used that paper to create masks.  You can use the paper pulp kind of like play-dough and make really cool stuff.  The teacher person had these awesome busts she made they were really cool.  Anyway, here is my mask.

Then, that next week  I had a primary care doctor's appointment.  I've been scheduling a lot of appointments recently b/c this whole situation just seemed like a good time to take care of myself.  So I headed there.  I actually made this appointment months ago, and I kinda used it in my head as a way to really gauge my overall sadness with the potential it could be something more... like depression.  Luckily, I have been feeling much better in that regard so, I'm pretty confident when I say I'm not depression, just have some sadness that is to be expecting going through a situation like this.  I did have to get a blood test which we all know is not my favorite... but don't worry - I survived!!

Later that week I went to happy hour with a couple of friends on Main Street in St. Charles.  I've never really went out on Main Street and it was a lot of fun.  I did end up feeling kind of sick by the end of the night, but I honestly had a really good time going to happy hour and extending it to a bit of dancing at a club-like place.

Later that weekend I had some lunch with a couple of high school friends.  It's always nice to catch up with them.  We get together a few times a year.

That following week I had a fasting cholesterol test... my cholesterol has read high again... the first time it did was a couple of years ago, so they wanted me to have a fasting test.  Of course I freaked about it, and ended up getting there and it was only a finger prick test... haha... all that freaking for something so simple!  That test showed my bad cholesterol still high, but I'm just supposed to diet and exercise, so it must not be that out of control!

That Friday night I went out with Susan for a random night out.  We went to 1904 Beerhouse (one of my faves) and then over to the tin can.  It was just a nice night out.

Saturday, the 18th, I went to my first ever Mardi Gras.  You would think living here in St. Louis I would have been before now, but that just wasn't the case.  Liz invited me, so I went with her and had a pretty good time.  I'm glad I finally got to experience what it was all about!

The last weekend of February was one of the annual events I look forward to each year - VA Trivia Night.  While we didn't win like we did two and three years ago, we did come in third place - not too bad if I do say so myself.  We had a ton of food and I made this super yummy dessert - it's like a peanut butter Captain Crunch rice kripie treat.  So yummy, although next time I'll either increase the marshmallows or decrease the cereal.

Last weekend I had some drinks with Liz and Ken at an old 'hot spot'.  I enjoyed being back in familiar territory.  But of course we were all super tired, so we ended up calling it a nice fairly early, haha.  That Saturday we had a awesome family dinner at Charlie Gitto's at Harrah's Casino.  My aunt took us out on some credits she earned since she gambles there a lot.  It was a really nice meal and it was nice having everyone there together.  After dinner we hung out at my cousin's new apartment and played some  Mario Party on the 64 - nostalgic!

Last Monday, the 5th, I had three... yes THREE cavities filled... ouch!  My mouth was super numb and that was totally strange.  I don't know what it is with me - I freak out at all medical procedures but when it comes to getting three shots in the mouth it's nothing!  I'm happy to have those buggers filled, but my jaw was so sore for a week later.  I have a totally wonky jaw and it makes times when I have to keep my mouth open for long periods of time really rough and annoying.

Finally, that brings us to this past weekend... Friday we celebrated my mom's birthday.  We took her to the Fountain on Locust... it's so yummy.  They have this special ice cream from the only dairy that ages it... SO GOOD.  Afterwards we played board games.  On Saturday during the day I went shopping with my mom, aunts and grandma for her birthday, that was a really nice day.  Saturday night I went with Liz and Ken to a bar in Valley Park it was a blast.  I had a really good time and enjoyed that bar a lot.   I think we'll be headed back there soon.

That pretty much catches you up with my life.  I know there are things I missed... and maybe a thing or two I omitted... but overall it was a good time had by all!

I'm alive!

Well, I'm going to try to type this post as the internet seems to be letting me actually post!

So where have I been?  It's been ages since I posted... and I'm going to tell you why!

Well, my laptop is broken.  I mean, it still works, but the power cord was all jacked up, and then about a month or so the tip of the power cord broke off... hmm.  So then I was able to get my hands on a new power cord, but the new one is all straight and and doesn't hit the spot it needs to since the internal part of the power thing is so jacked up.  So the new power cord doesn't charge my laptop... boo whoo whoo

Now, normally I would just blog at work.  Well, my Internet Explorer is not up to date - which I can't upgrade it and it won't load blogger properly, so that was not an option.  Could I blog on my iPhone or borrow my mom's computer to write posts (like I've been doing to do homework) sure, but I just haven't.

I've missed the blogosphere... so here I'm back and ready to start posting again.  I've missed you!

Random Thoughts for a Monday

Just wanted to share some random thoughts.

• I had a pretty good weekend.  Mostly, low key, but good.  Friday night we had an impromptu happy hour with my dad's family, which is always fun.  Saturday I finished shopping for my mom (only dad and purchasing a gift certificate, which I'm going to do today to go).  That night I attended an ugly Christmas sweater party.  I'm really happy that my step-sister, Rachel agreed to go with me.  I had a couple of friends say they would, but ended up bailing, so I'm happy she could attend with me.  She know some of those girls, so I think she enjoyed it too.  Sunday I worked on homework and then watched the Survivor finale with my mom while wrapping gifts.  I still have a few to go, since they were for my mom, and obviously can't do that while she's sitting next to me!

• Mental Health wise I've been doing really good.  I think it's a combination of several different things - blogging some honest feelings last week, going to a counseling appointment, figuring out how this divorce will be funded, just knowing that I'm not the only one hurting because of this, and generally just starting to get into the Christmas spirit.  I need to remind myself that this whole process is a spiral.  Just because I'm doing good today doesn't mean I'll be good forever.  I will experience times of pain, upset-ness, anger, sadness, etc.  Just because I am any of those negative things doesn't mean I'm moving backward.  It's good to remind myself of that.  It's okay what I'm thinking - what I'm feeling isn't wrong.  It's natural and expected.

• Speaking of that, I actually want to say something nice about him.  Yesterday I was having issues with my computer.  None of my Microsoft Office programs would open and I would get a weird error message.  Not sure what to do, I texted him.  I knew that he didn't have to respond - or help me... but he did and I couldn't be more appreciative.  He helped me fix the problem relatively quickly (he is good with computers!)  I felt good knowing it was a Microsoft update that messed things up and nothing I did.  I'm really really thankful that he helped me.  It meant a lot to me.  We chatted a bit too, and I didn't feel sad after the conversation, but more ok with things somehow.  I think sometimes you get into your head and make things up.  The counselor calls this distorted thinking patterns.  He is hurting too... this isn't easy for either of us, and when I'm feeling sad it's hard not to think that he can't be possibly hurting like I am.  This is one of the things that does make me feel better.  It just sucks all around.

• I am suppose to be moving buildings at work... it's a bit of a cluster.  It feels like someone should give everyone guidance on how to do things - but that just hasn't happened.  In the end, it will probably be me moving myself, which just seems weird.  I thought I would do it today, but I think I might wait a bit.

• I think I have New Years Eve figured out, which is nice... thanks to my good friend Liz!

• I am really looking forward to the Christmas festivities.  I love this time of year and I really want to enjoy it.  It's beginning to feel more like Christmas every day, and I'm excited.  I think I've mentioned before, but I LOVE wrapping gifts, so I'm looking forward to wrapping the few more that I have tonight.  Also on the agenda this week - hanging out with Rachel tomorrow and seeing the Nutcracker at the Touhill on Wednesday... I've been wanting to go to the Nutcracker for ages and I'm super excited to finally seeing it!!

I think that may be all for now!!

500

This is a special post for me... this is my 500th post!!  Can you believe it?  I have been blogging since mid-October 2008.  I good blogger would have reached this goal by now... but I've stuck with my resolution (more on that in a week or two) and I feel like I'm doing much better as a blogger.

A lot of things have happened in the 3+ years and 500 posts... and I'm not going to recap that... but you can read about them, if you want :)

I wanted to write a bit about why I enjoy this blog and what it means to me.  Lately it has become clearer to me.  I write this blog for me... while I really enjoy knowing that I have readers and I especially love getting the very few comments that I actually get (I know there's a way to get more, but I'm not there quite yet)  This blog is a tale of my life.  It's a place to record all the things that I do, the feelings I've had.  It's nice to see growth and it's a good re-assurance that life moves on and this two will pass.

I like being able to look back and see the past three years in a way that I would not remember otherwise.  I haven't really enjoyed looking back recently, but I am 100% certain that I'll be happy that I didn't go all crazy and delete posts of that previous life.  It's a part of me, and it's a way for me to grow.  Speaking of that, this blog has helped me more than I can really say in staying (somewhat) sane and strong during this divorce.  I know they are probably not the most enjoyable or easy to read posts, but it's a place for me to be honest with myself.  Those posts have helped me a lot to sort out my feelings and a place to get them out of my head.  I've had a lot of on the negative side posts recently, but yesterday's post really helped me feel better.  I've felt a lot better since I wrote it (not perfect, but better.)

I'm happy I decided to start blogging.  When I started, I really wasn't sure where I wanted it to go, or what I wanted it to become... but it's become my life, it's become a place for family and friends to read and know what's going on, especially things I probably just wouldn't say when I'm around (not because their bad, but because they don't seem conversation worthy)  I'm happy with where this has come and where it's going.

I will keep on blogging... I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.  To my readers (the few, but still), I'm happy that you stop by and share in my life journey.  Even though I know most of you don't comment (you should) it means a lot to me to know you're out there.

Here's to many many more posts!!

Some Thoughts

I haven't written in awhile and I've thoroughly missed it.  After writing everyday for 30 days, it felt weird not writing for the past week.  I guess that I built sort of a habit in that month, which isn't a bad thing.  I've really wanted to write, but I've also felt like I really don't have much to say.

I have fleeting thoughts a lot... thought about this divorce and other things.  None of them have really felt worth committing to writing.  In general, I feel sad sometimes, and I still cry from time-to-time, often very randomly.  For the most part I feel really ok.  I am ready to get the actual legal divorce ball rolling but I'm ok with the fact it won't happen until next year.  I still think that he should pay for more of it than me.  I have been giving that some thought lately.  Basically, he was the one who changed his mind, he was the one who initiated all of this, and the more I think about it, he is the one gaining a majority of the assets.  At this point I believe he should pay for most if not all of it.  However, we have not discussed that... and there is the possibility if I wait for that to happen, it might be a very long time before we are divorced.

Like I said, I'm feeling ok.  I'm just ready for the next step.  I'm like really ready to be completely ok.  And by that I mean, I'm ready to be ready to date and get back out there.  This divorce not happening fast has given me a bit of a cooling period.  It forces me to wait.  I'm not saying that I couldn't start dating, but I certainly could, but I feel like it's very wrong to online date or put myself way out there when I'm still technically married.  If something were to randomly happen naturally, that's a different story, but I'm not ready to actively be looking until I am not married anymore. 

I feel the need to reiterate (only because one of my friends thought I was saying something different) I know that right now I am not ready, regardless of the divorce or not.  I just am not there emotionally and I totally recognize that.  I don't think I need to fully be there, but I need to be a heck of a lot closer before I'm ready to be hanging out even remotely romantically with guys.  I am not trying to force myself to be ready, or put some sort of time limit on feelings (i.e. I will start dating in 6 months).  I am ok with where I am right now.  I feel like I've got a fairly level head about this right now.  I feel like I'm doing the right thing for me.  After all, my motto through this is 'until it stops working.'

Anyway... in somewhat related news HIMYM has been relevant to what's going on in a way.  I started watching old episode sometime last year and now I'm watching new episodes (BTW, one of my favorite shows on TV).  This season has had the incredibly relevant babies topic.  With Barney changing his mind about wanting kids and Robin not wanting kids, then finding out she can't have them, only be be sad about it... it's just been relevant.  Surprisingly, this hasn't made me feel sad or bothered really... just pensive?

One final thing... I watched the entire first season of Survivor on You Tube in the last week or so.  I thought I would looking back, and thus far it's been great.  That first season of Survivor is unreal when you compare it to current day.  I mean, that first season they were all mad at Richard Hatch because he formed an alliance, and alliances are horrible, horrible things.  Compared to these days, when the alliances start forming after an hour on the island... just funny.  I remember watching that show and hating Richard... now that I'm much more of a fan, I can respect that a lot more.  I'm looking forward to watching the other seasons too.

And on that note... I'm finished with this entry.

Day 30

Today is the last day of November.  Way back on November 1st, I told you I challenged myself to write a post every day this month.  And I totally succeeded!  Once I post this entry I will have 31 entries for the month of November.  I actually posted twice in one day! (of course that was football picks, but whatever.)

Somedays it was a real challenge to think of anything to write.  That's typically when I wrote about something silly like shoes or glittery dresses.  But I also think there was a lot of quality posts too.  Many thoughts on this divorce and some nice ones about my grandma.

It really pushed me to think of something for each day.  There were times that I was dreading writing because I didn't have much to say, but then glad I wrote the entry.  This suff is very true with things related to the divorce.  Sometimes I don't really want to talk about things, and then end up feeling better when I just get it all out.  Blogging has really helped me in that way.  Whether or not people want to read it, I'm sure it can be depressing and not really that interesting to hear me babble on... but for me it makes all the difference in the world.  Blogging here has made a true difference in my attitude and outlook.  It's an outlet that I so very much need. 

Sometimes I don't want to talk to others about these feeling and just need to work through the issues myself on my own.  I know that could be hurtful to some friends to not hear certain things from me... but I'm doing what I need to do for myself.  I don't want to sound selfish, but with the emotional swings I get on a daily basis, I need to do what makes me feel better and ok and not worse.  My motto through these past three months has been do what I'm doing until it stops working or no longer makes sense.

This challenge has forced me to write about something each day and I have written down a lot of feelings because of it.  I'm happy that I had something driving me and something to look forward to.  This challenge has made me consider forcing myself to write an entry everyday all the time (not just through November)... I'm not sure that I want to take on that quite yet, but I'm really happy that I tried and totally succeeded... it was really nice working toward a goal.

One of the things I thought I would do was schedule a lot of posts.  Maybe write several posts in a day and schedule them to post throughout the month.  I can honestly say that I didn't do it this way.  I scheduled a total of one post - the Thanksgiving post.  Of course if you look at the times on some posts they are close to the end of the day... or written super early in the morning... but guess what... it TOTALLY counts.  The funny thing is I started a list of things to write about at the beginning of the month... I didn't have to touch on all of those.

So readers - did you enjoy seeing a post from me each day?  How do you feel about it?

Lost an earring

In the process of the move I lost one of my favorite earrings.  The problem is I only lost one of the earrings.  I'm still holding out hope that the earring is packed in one of my boxes at the storage unit.

Here's the earring...

They are simple, but I love the length and color... they are my go-to gold earrings.  It's sad, because you can never find another pair that will quite compare.  I'm hoping the other earring shows up, but I have this feeling that it got left and someone threw it away...  Hopefully I'll be able to find something that will compare to this...

Back in college I had my favorite pair of blue earrings...

Then I lent them to a friend, never got them back because she broke them... so sad... I've never found another pair that compares to these.

I guess I'll need to find new favorites...

Edited to Add:

I did a quick etsy search for brushed gold earrings and found quite a few that I like... (possible Christmas present!) - (1)  (2)  (3)  (4)  (5)  (6)  (7)