Happy Halloween

Mom's, mine, Lindsey's

NFL Week 8 Picks

Wow it seems like this season is FLYING by... but a lot of that is b/c I really haven't watched football... baseball is WAY more important around these parts right now!  It's nice to have a StL team actually winning... anyway onto the picks!

Indianapolis Colts vs. Tennessee Titans
New Orleans Saints vs. St. Louis Rams
Miami Dolphins vs. New York Giants
Minnesota Vikings vs. Carolina Panthers
Arizona Cardinals vs. Baltimore Ravens
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Houston Texans
Washington Redskins vs. Buffalo Bills
New England Patriots vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns vs. San Francisco 49ers
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Seattle Seahawks
Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles
San Diego Chargers vs. Kansas City Chiefs

Me
Susan
Both

After 7 weeks.... we didn't do so hot last week

Susan:  59-44
Jenn:  69-34

World Series Game 2

If you're from St. Louis... you know what the most exciting thing to happen recently is the Cardinals in the World Series.  We were 10.5 games back at the beginning of September and with our skills, and a fair amount of luck we fought back to become the wild card champs.  Since then we've lasted past the NLDS and NLCS... and here we are facing the Texas Rangers in the World Series.

After we won the NLCS game 6, Lindsey decided she just HAD to go to the World Series.  So she ended up spending quite a pretty penny on some tickets and since she's the world's greastest sister... she took me!!

While we ended up losing the game, it was a lot of fun... great atmosphere and so exciting.  It's really neat to see a person for every seat and all the standing room only filled... really really amazing.

Here are some pictures from our night!

In the car on the way...

The field with World Series logos

Budweiser Clydstales

Eating nachos!

Here's the players on the field

And finally another picture of the two of us

 

Lindsey took like a million other pictures, but you get the idea... thanks Lindsey, I had such a great time, and I'm happy we get to share this memory!

More Sad

In the last week or so, I've definitely hit some sort of sadness... as a post a couple of days pointed out, I think that the reality is really beginning to set in... what this whole situation is and what it really means for me.

I have just felt more sad in general and been wanting to cry more.  For some silly reason, I haven't really let myself cry.  It either hits me when I'm driving (need to concentrate on the road), when I'm at work (don't want anyone walking in on me), or when I'm talking to random people (don't want to cry in front of them.)

I know it's okay to cry... and honestly, I'm a firm believer in having a good cry every once in awhile... but idk, something about this is different.  Maybe I don't want to let myself feel sad... maybe I want to keep up the image that I really am doing ok... I'm not sure...

I do feel fine a lot of the time... so I guess it just comes in waves... which is just frustrating to deal with.  And I don't really know what's going to make me sad when.  Sometimes, I enjoy hearing about babies, pregnancy, etc... and other times that makes me so incredibly sad.

Luckily I have great family and friends that keep my head above water and help me feel loved and keep me busy.  Without them... well, who knows where I'd be.  And I do appreciate the continued support because this thing isn't over yet.

But a lot of times, I just don't get what I need... like not that I know what I need, but someone will say something and it's like geez... that makes me feel worse.  I know they are trying to be nice and supportive and say the right thing... but wow, I'm crying now b/c of it.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with all of them... obviously I'm just babbling.  Today I'm feeling fine and happy and well-adjusted...

Anyway... I'm done with this probably incoherent post...

NFL Week 7 Picks

Again, these were all picked before kickoff... I just had a very busy day and wasn't able to get to it until now.

Seattle Seahawks vs. Cleveland Browns
Atlanta Falcons vs. Detroit Lions
Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans
Denver Broncos vs. Miami Dolphins
San Diego Chargers vs. New York Jets
Chicago Bears vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins vs. Carolina Panthers
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Oakland Raiders
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Arizona Cardinals
St. Louis Rams vs. Dallas Cowboys
Green Bay Packers vs. Minnesota Vikings
Indianapolis Colts vs. New Orleans Saints
Baltimore Ravens vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

Me
Susan
Both

After 6 weeks (last week we broken even on our picks)

Susan:  54-36
Jenn:  63-27

Dresses

I seriously think I'm addicted to dresses... it's like what I always look for in the store and the first thing I look at when I go online on a site.  Today I was stumbling and came across Ruche - and I'm in love!

So here are a few of the dresses I'm loving!

purely majestic one shoulder dress - I love the one shoulder and the flowers... the color is great and the flowy skirt!

rosie wrap dress in dove gray by Darling UK - I really like the pattern and the casual yet classy

 crossing seawinds abstract print dress - I love the colors on this dress and the ruffle top... the bottom is really cute too

royale marina print dress - I really like the casual feel and the flowy look of this dress... looks like an easy one to wear

calm cascade ruffle dress - This is my favorite dress... I love everything about it, including the fact the back in longer than the front.  Seriously, I'm thinking about buying this one!

imposing beauty pocket dress in brown - This one just looks fancy, I've seen this style before, but I think it's a really cool look, it would be great for a wedding... if I had a wedding to go to.

 

first time

The other day something happened... I knew it was going to happen at some point or another, but I guess I hoped that maybe I would actually get by with it not happening (oh the things we hope for sometimes...)

The other day something happened and I felt angry and upset and I knew that the only person who would really truly understand was him.  Up until this point things have happened (mad, sad, happy, mundane, whatever) and I've been able to get someone else to understand... maybe not the first person, but someone along the way has listen, sympathized, whatever and I felt better.  You know I like to talk.

Anyway... this thing that happened... there's really not anyone I would want to explain these feelings to... or I would be able to just say what happened and know that the other person would completely understand without me needing to explain myself or judge me for feeling that way... and then that happened.  Any my first instinct was he would understand and comfort me.

But I don't have him anymore... it was really one of moments that I knew was going to come, but still hadn't quite been able to prepare myself for.  Even though we are separated, we are on good terms and I did text him and hope for the same type of comfort/understanding that I once got.  And well... I just didn't get what I needed.  Yes, he did understand (better than anyone else could) but it wasn't the full pep talk, comfort, whatever that I got when I was his wife.  I mean, I know that it's not his job to make me feel better.  He doesn't have to care about my feelings or do anything to make me happy again.  He's not the one I can go to for that kind of stuff anymore.  And it's probably going to be a very long time before I have that level of comfort with anyone and it's just really sad.

It's sad b/c I'm sad, angry, upset about what happened... and then I'm sad, angry, upset at the realization of what realtionship/connection that I lost.  It's like double the emotions for me which is just making everything that much worse.  I really hope that someday I get to have someone that close to me again... gosh I so hope... the thing he and I shared was special and I think that some people didn't understand it (which is fine).

I don't know... at this point I'm just rambling hoping that I suddenly feel better... but I'm tired.  I had a wonderful night (that I will recap don't you worry) yet this morning I'm feeling sad... probably b/c I'm tired, possibly b/c I'm at work, and there's potentially a hundred other reasons why I'm feeling sad.

I'm just hoping that this too will pass and I feel better... I think I'll go get breakfast... that normally helps

Sometimes

Sometimes I get exhausted talking at length about this situation.

Sometimes I get sick of agreeing with people that it really will be ok, and I'll be a stronger person b/c of this

Sometimes I'm tired of acting fine just so I don't make you more sad

Sometimes I want to talk about what's going on, but when I'm done I'm done

Sometimes I don't want to hear how you think he's a horrible person and really I'm better off

Sometimes I just want to talk about normal things

Sometimes I know when you ask 'how are you doing' your just asking about how I'm feeling about the situation today

Sometimes I'm completely fine, and not thinking about it at all

Sometimes the stupidest things are bugging me for no real good reason

Sometimes I don't want to talk

Sometimes I want nothing more than to talk

Sometimes I don't want to hear about your kid or your grandkid b/c it makes me really sad that I'm no where near that experience yet

Sometimes what made me feel ok yesterday just makes me feel worse the next day

Sometimes I want to be left alone

Sometimes I'm just waitinghopingpraying you'll talk to me

All of this to say - it can be dang confusing in my head... sometimes

NFL Week 6 Picks

Sorry these are posted a bit late - all choices were made before kick off :)

Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Indianapolis Colts vs. Cincinnati Bengals
San Francisco 49ers vs. Detroit Lions
St. Louis Rams vs. Green Bay Packers
Buffalo Bills vs. New York Giants
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Washington Redskins
Cleveland Browns vs. Oakland Raiders
Houston Texans vs. Baltimore Ravens
Dallas Cowboys vs. New England Patriots
New Orleans Saints vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears
Miami Dolphins vs. New York Jets

Jenn
Susan
Me

After 5 weeks:
Susan:  45-32
Jenn:  54-23

How you doing?

Well, it's been awhile since I gave an update on me.  You can probably assume that the lack of updates are a good thing... and they are... I haven't really had the strong emotions that I needed to get out right now.  Sure - they have come at times, but they've gone just as quickly.

Like I mentioned in the move post I'm feeling a lot better now that I'm out of that house.  My room at my mom's is slowly coming together... mostly b/c I'm slow at getting stuff done.  I promise to share some room photos when I get finished.  I think you'll enjoy!

I have been mostly keeping myself busy with friends and family.  And of course the Cardinals on this playoff run and certainly helped the mood... it's so freaking exciting watching them win!

The weather in St. Louis has been beeeeeeee-yooooouuuu-TEEEE-fulll latley... so we took advantage of that and went to the winery with some friends.  Gorgeous scenary, wonderful weather, tasty food and fabulous company.

On Monday (Columbus day... a very important family holiday indeed) my sister and I walked around the St. Louis zoo.  I didn't take any pictures, but we had a good time - saw lots of animals and talked... other than the one last stretch at the end that was killer it was a really fun day.

So that's the very brief of what's been going on with me.

NFL Week 5 Picks

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Buffalo Bills
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Indianapolis Colts
Arizona Cardinals vs. Minnesota Vikings
Seattle Seahawks vs. New York Giants
Tennessee Titans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
New Orleans Saints vs. Carolina Panthers
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Oakland Raiders vs. Houston Texans
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. San Francisco 49ers
San Diego Chargers vs. Denver Broncos
New York Jets vs. New England Patriots
Green Bay Packers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Chicago Bears vs. Detroit Lions

Susan

Me

Both

After week 4... Susan and I tied last week, no real difference

Susan:  39-25
Jenn: 46-18

The Move

Honestly, I have not felt like writing about the move.  It's not that it wasn't emotional... because it really was, especially saying goodbye to the dogs who I couldn't explain any of this to.

But I'm feeling fine.  I'm in my new room (not quite put together yet)... and I felt like writing all about the move would just stir up all those emotions that really if I was feeling fine why should I dwell on them.

I also feel like me writing about my honest and full emotions could help someone at some point in time... so part of me has thought about writing about the weekend for that purpose.

In the end, I don't really want to talk about it.  It was very hard... I was holding back tears the entire weekend, but being out of that house has actually made it easier on me.  I'm feeling better... it's probably a lot easier than staying in that house with all the memories of us together.

I'm slowly setting up my new room... painted the dresser Monday and yesterday and hopefully it can be moved into place tonight (so I can finally start getting all my clothes into one room... that would be nice)

I do really really appreciate all the people that helped pack and move me... it went really smoothly b/c of everyone.  They helped me stay upbeat and got me out of there quickly.  Thankfully I have good friends and family that support me.

So, in conclusion... moving was difficult but I really think it's for the best.

NFL Week 4 Picks

Carolina Panthers vs. Chicago Bears
Buffalo Bills vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Tennessee Titans vs. Cleveland Browns
Detroit Lions vs. Dallas Cowboys
Minnesota Vikings vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Washington Redskins vs. St. Louis Rams
San Francisco 49ers vs. Philadelphia Eagles
New Orleans Saints vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Houston Texans
New York Giants vs. Arizona Cardinals
Atlanta Falcons vs. Seattle Seahawks
Denver Broncos vs. Green Bay Packers
New England Patriots vs. Oakland Raiders
Miami Dolphins vs. San Diego Chargers
New York Jets vs. Baltimore Ravens
Indianapolis Colts vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Me
Susan
Both

After three weeks...
Susan: 28 - 20
Jenn: 35 - 13