In the last week or so, I've definitely hit some sort of sadness... as a post a couple of days pointed out, I think that the reality is really beginning to set in... what this whole situation is and what it really means for me.
I have just felt more sad in general and been wanting to cry more. For some silly reason, I haven't really let myself cry. It either hits me when I'm driving (need to concentrate on the road), when I'm at work (don't want anyone walking in on me), or when I'm talking to random people (don't want to cry in front of them.)
I know it's okay to cry... and honestly, I'm a firm believer in having a good cry every once in awhile... but idk, something about this is different. Maybe I don't want to let myself feel sad... maybe I want to keep up the image that I really am doing ok... I'm not sure...
I do feel fine a lot of the time... so I guess it just comes in waves... which is just frustrating to deal with. And I don't really know what's going to make me sad when. Sometimes, I enjoy hearing about babies, pregnancy, etc... and other times that makes me so incredibly sad.
Luckily I have great family and friends that keep my head above water and help me feel loved and keep me busy. Without them... well, who knows where I'd be. And I do appreciate the continued support because this thing isn't over yet.
But a lot of times, I just don't get what I need... like not that I know what I need, but someone will say something and it's like geez... that makes me feel worse. I know they are trying to be nice and supportive and say the right thing... but wow, I'm crying now b/c of it.
I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with all of them... obviously I'm just babbling. Today I'm feeling fine and happy and well-adjusted...
Anyway... I'm done with this probably incoherent post...
1 comment:
I get it- it's hard for you to really put into words exactly what you are feeling, and there is really no way to explain why you react the way you do, but I assure you that this sounds completely normal. You don't sound crazy. It's ok to cry and to get sad- those are normal emotions to feel after experiencing a loss that you have. Some days are going to be better than others.
I felt the same way when my grandma passed away. As you know, my grandparents practically raised me- I had a really rough home life- so losing her was devastating to me. When I first found out, it was difficult to deal with (as I had expected), but I was not expecting the random moments of sadness that would come over me. Something as simple as the smell of lilacs while taking my dog for a walk would trigger me and I would lose it in the middle of the park. You will come to find out that those little things will trigger you- things that you remind you of your relationship.
My best advice is to not focus on the negative. Focus on the positives of your new life and the possibilities of the future. It's going to take time to heal, but don't be ashamed to feel the way you are feeling.
I completely get the sadness when reading about pregnancy posts, too- so don't ever feel like you are offending me or hurting my feelings by expressing your feelings about that.
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