Petty

Do you ever feel like you're being really petty about something... but you just don't care? I've been feeling that way a lot lately... I have a feeling it's something that's going to continue for the next month.

Whenever the story comes out of my mouth I feel like people are probably judging me... thinking I'm being stupid and petty... but I can't help myself, I'm upset. It still gets under my skin and just crawls...

I really try to get myself to not care... to remind myself that they get to make their own decisions in life... that's not something can control... nor should I be able to... yet that doesn't stop me from being hurt.

The next month is just going to be a constant reminder of that and I knew it was going to be this way... I knew that the closer it got the more hurt I would end up feeling.

I know that people say they understand what I'm feeling but I sometimes wonder if they just say that or they really mean that... I know that Chad understands what I'm feeling... and a few others, but the other people that ask, I just don't know if they understand.

I'm dreading that trip... it's sad that I have to dread spending time with my family that I love and are a lot of fun, but I am... I know that weekend will be a hard one for me...

People have said well... you're the bigger person... but that really doesn't make me feel any better... that actually makes me question why I ALWAYS feel like I'm "being the better person" Why doesn't that ever pay off... like being rewarded for being the better person.

So I know I'm being petty... I know that I'm feeling hurt... I know that I will survive... I know there's nothing I can do about it... and that I'm the only person who can make myself feel better

But sadly her decision is one that can never ever be taken back... and it's something that will follow my opinion of her for the rest of our lives...