What Happened

I think I may be ready to put out there what happened.  I have told a lot of my friends (who are my friends first...) and my family all knows. 

Last Wednesday around 4:30 (it's funny how these will be the things that will live vividly in my mind, possibly forever.) he texted me that we needed to talk.  I asked about what and he said to just call after I got off work.  When I called after I got home from work he asked me to come have dinner with him because what he had to say should be done in person.  I told him no, that he needed to tell me now... and then he dropped the bomb... he doesn't want to have kids... ever.

I seriously cannot believe that he would drop something like this over the phone, while at work.  I mean don't you think that should be something he should say in person?!?

I want to have kids, I've never kept this a secret from him.  I know that when I look back on my life I want kids in it... or at the very very least the possibly of kids.

We've talked about this before and he knew that saying those words would essentially end our relationship... I want kids.  The weird thing, is he pretty much told me told me that and that our relationship was over.  We both knew...

He has been telling me this entire time we could have kids.  We had even talked recently about trying at the end of next year when I was finished with school and we had paid down some debt.  I didn't see this new turn of events at all.  He led me on (which he admits)

I am so heart broken and sad and devastated and sad.  I just can't believe this is the new reality.  I can't believe it's over.  I asked him to try to go to counseling or take some time apart before we jump to any rash decisions... but he won't do it.  He refuses to go to counseling.

He made this decision on his own, didn't include me in it at all... it's what he does sometimes... just thinks about himself and does things on his terms.  I just can't believe he's throwing this whole marriage away in such a short time.  I mean... he's ready to jump to divorce... already. 

My friends and family have been great.  I am so thankful for them.  Not everyone knows yet, like people that are friends with both of us.  I'm not sure how telling them will go.

I feel like this post doesn't capture the fullness of the situation... the fullness of what I'm feeling... everyone I've told is in shock and speechless... as am I.  I just don't understand why this is happening... and the quickness it's happening at I just can't comprehend...

I will be moving out... not exactly sure when, but I will be moving back home for awhile.  I'll be able to save some money and pay off some debt.  We've talk about splitting up the bills and such.  I can't believe a week ago everything was fine and now I have to think about packing and moving out of my home.

I think that's all I can write for now...