Well... my last two entries were kinda... well... crazy.
I guess that's what this situation does to you... you just have so many emotions running around... one minute you can be so so sad... and then that turns to anger which turns to relief which turns to a bit happy which turns back to anger. It's like seriously an emotional roller coaster if I've ever been on one before.
Some of the things I said in my last post weren't the most fair. I know that it was a little insane... but I do want to be honest with myself. I don't want to sugar coat what I'm feeling and I do want to represent the true journey I'm taking.
He hasn't been all that mean to me... yes... mean things happen, and of course we are mad and sad with one another. I feel like a lot of his decisions are rash and immature... but he's hurting to. This I know... b/c we I can finally see him, I see it in his eyes.
We saw each other for the first time in a week last night. Parts of it were rough... like all the anger I had about Monday and other random things that were bothering me... a lot of it was sad... but at the same time we were able to share some normal conversations. Maybe it sounds silly... but it's nice to feel normal.
We have really been able to work things out ourself... we aren't getting nasty and have been friendly. I do hope to come out of this with him still my friend, but I do know that might not be possible. And if we do stay friends, we'll never have a friendship like we did when we were married.
This is just a very tough situation... one I never expected to find myself in. Some of the things he is doing makes it harder for me. So my motto for a lot of this is do it whatever way until that just isn't working anymore. No expectations... no manupulating the situation to accomplish what I want... none of that... just try to go with the flow and figure out situations as they come.
1 comment:
Seeing each other for the first time in a while is NEVER easy. With my ex, I had no clue how I would react or how I would feel, but I have realized after being forced into that situation that you can always surprise yourself. Of course there are so many emotions between the two of you that anger and sadness and bitchiness is going to fume out for a while lol but if a friendship, or at least friendly and civil terms, is what you are after, YOU have to be the bigger person THE WHOLE TIME. Put the games and immaturity behind you like you said yourself. In the end, you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH YOURSELF and that should be all you are concerned about at this point.
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