My fear

What I'm thinking about today... well... I'm really scared and worried that I won't be able to have children.  This fear has been around for awhile, but when I was married it more focused on my ability to get pregnant.  This fear still exists.  I really worry that I will not be able to ever get pregnant or there will be a lot of complications with trying to get pregnant.  I know this is something that I shouldn't worry about... after all I haven't even tried to ever get pregnant, but it's totally in my mind.

Now I worry about having someone to have kids with.  I will suddenly be single again.  I will be back at the beginning with dating people.  I will have to meet someone new that I want to spend time with and be with forever.  I would ideally like to be married.  In my mind I'm trying not to think about all the time it would take to get to that point again... but I do think about it.  I worry that I won't find anyone that I can connect with or that it will take a really long time and by that time I'll be out of my child bearing days... or that it will just be very very difficult to get pregnant.

These are the things that have been on my mind.  Some of these things were already there, but I feel like it's way more complicated now.  I am trying to not think these negative things and focus more on positives and that I am a great catch.  But who knows... in the mean time I really should be more concerned with packing...