This morning was really tough... I actually thought I was doing okay... I mean the crying had subsided a bit... but this morning... it came on like a wave like no other. I cried, sobbed, hyperventilated, and cried some more.
I don't know what it was about this morning... I had looked on Facebook only to see happy posts from happy people living lives they haven't been completely turned upside-down. At one point this morning I looked into the mirror... I really looked at myself in the mirror... I don't think I've looked at myself since Wednesday... I'm not sure what looking at myself has anything to do with anything... but I broke down.
I also was about to get in the shower and I just crumbled... I crumbled to the floor and sobbed... it was like I just couldn't stand... I wanted to lay on the floor... but I forced myself to get up.
After those to two breakdowns I just wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it to work... but I forced myself. I made myself get in the shower, I made myself get dressed and I made myself go to work.
And you know what? After all that crying and worrying... I was fine. I lived. I survived. I made it through the day. I got better. I can do this... I can do this... I CAN DO THIS.
I will be brave... I will survive and I will come out of this a better more competent person.
I'm going to have more morning like this... and I know it's going to be awhile before I'm okay... but I will get there... time heals all wounds... so where's the fast forward button?
2 comments:
Aww I'm so sorry to hear you're going through something so rough. You're right-things get better with time, but just take 1 day at a time. Don't push yourself to 'be OK' before you're really ready. It's ok to be upset for awhile. Such a big life change takes some time and you have to let yourself grieve. =-) Chin up!
Love you so much! Hugs!!
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