Today is my birthday

Today is the big day and I am sad. I'm not exactly sure why I am sad, but I am. I don't think it is very good to be sad on your birthday. I think a lot of it has to do with last night.

Yesterday during the day I had a really nice day. I went shopping with my Grandma, mom, Lindsey and my aunt Ruth. (I'll write a separate happy post about that with pictures) So yesterday started out good.

Last night we were having a party for my birthday... my golden birthday... but it snowed yesterday... and not very many people showed up. It was kinda crazy that it snowed like it did. It was quite a bit... pretty unreal if you ask me...

I'm really happy the people who did show up (Jen, Carrie, Liz, her b/f Ken, Dave, his girl Christine, Keith and Sarah) but I'm sad about the people who didn't show up. I really think people used the snow as a convenient excuse not to come. Some people were coming from the north. The thing is yesterday, due to the shopping trip, I was north, south, and west yesterday. I know what the roads looked liked in those areas of the city. So I know that it was possible to come and it was a choice that people didn't. Maybe I'm setting my expectations too high, but it's things like this that make me wonder the caliber of friends I have. Honestly, I probably have my expectations too high, but I'm sad... bottom line: I really feel let down.

Chad asked who I wanted to come that didn't... honestly I don't really feel the need to name names and it's more that no one really came.

I really think this is a deeper issue than just last night. Lately I've been feeling sad about our friends, as in Chad and my friends. Some things recently have happened that have opened our eyes to who our friends are and how shit-tastic some of them have been. I sometimes wonder if Chad and I are doing something wrong, if somehow we are pushing people away. If maybe some friends think we're just that old married couple that doesn't do anything. It's true, we don't go out as much as others, but that's because we don't feel the need to drink all the time. We don't want to waste our hard earned money on booze... we have better ways to spend the money. I guess we're just having a disconnect with a lot of people we've hung around for awhile.

I guess we really need more mature friends. Chad has begun to hang out with his motorcycle friends. They have been nice to be around... I mean they were so supportive of Chad during his surgery. They just seem more grown up and fun and can actually make and keep plans. But that's probably a topic from another day.

I really think that last night was just another nail in the coffin or something like that (I'm not feeling that creative right now) I just needed to get a lot of this off my chest. It made me cry last night and again this morning, I need to do something to get out of this funk. I need to concentrate on the fact I had some good, true friends show up. And I'm happy they did. We had a good time and honestly I like smaller get togethers anyway... I like the people that showed up and we got to play some drinking games. They made me feel special and make me happy. And so I'm going to end this post on a happy note. I'll hopefully be back later today with an even happier post about my shopping trip with family.