I just wanted to write down some thoughts I've been having in the couple of weeks since I found out I was pregnant.
Let's back up. I knew that I should be expecting to have my period the week of February 9th. I had told myself that if I didn't see anything by that Friday (the 13th) I would take a pregnancy test. That whole week I was feeling odd. I felt some of the symptoms I normally experience before my period starts (some cramping, bloating, etc) but they just didn't feel the same. Add that to the fact I just didn't have an appetite. Laying in bed was getting to be slightly painful, especially changing positions as the cramping hurt more when I would flip over (and I flip over a LOT in a night). I actually used a heating pack a couple of times which isn't normal.
Another thing I noticed that week was my sense of smell was getting crazy. I was noticing it at work and at home. This coupled with the weird stomach issues made me start to think that something may be different.
On Thursday after work I wanted to pick up some fancy bread for dinner, but I also decided to buy a pregnancy test. I always heard that testing first thing in the morning was the smart idea, so I bought it with the intentions of testing Friday morning when I woke up... it was tough, I almost just did it that night but I waited until Friday morning.
As soon as my first alarm went off I was awake and could not fall back asleep... it was like Christmas morning or something waiting for the anticipation. Even though Friday (when I work) is my sleep in Friday I couldn't wait any longer and got up and took the test. I was so so nervous... but took it and what do you know? It was invalid. The control line never filled in... I guess it was a bad test or something... Figures!!!
I decided that I would pick up another test on the way into work and I would take it when I had to pee next. It was the Friday before President's Day and that Friday of the pay period is already really empty here, but with the impending holiday there was only 6 people in the building. Once I knew I had to pee I went to the bathroom to take the test. And this time it worked... almost immediately it said pregnant and I seriously couldn't believe my eyes. I stared at that thing and kept looking at it and cried and stared some more. I really didn't know what to think - I guess I always thought I knew how I would feel, but that's not the way I felt at all... I guess in that moment I was scared and thinking what in the world did I get myself into!
I didn't want to think too much of it until I confirmed it with another test. After work (I got to leave an hour early) I went to Target and got some supplies to make Dan a Valentines gift (my tradition with him) and bought another fancier pregnancy test... you know the digital ones? And luckily this package had two tests in it.
I headed home (I'd been waiting to go to the bathroom for this test) and took the test... and guess what happened? The freaking test was invalid again... I'm not sure if this is a normal thing or not to have so many invalid tests, but let me tell you it was annoying!! Maybe I did something wrong with it... who knows!
So I drank a cup of water and waiting until I had to go to the bathroom again. I was going to confirm this thing today dang it! Finally I did and the test worked (it has a little countdown thing on the test)... so I waited... and when I went back to check the test was PREGNANT. I thought at this point I was confident that I was (well as confident as I would be until I see the doctor.)
I made my gift for Dan which was titled 'The 1-2-3's of Why I Love You' with the final page being that I love him because I know he's going to be a wonderful dad to our baby.
Dan was out late after work and brought home a pizza, I wanted to give him the gift that night, but he said that he wanted to wait until Valentine's, so we did.
I woke up Saturday morning and gave him the gift and didn't get much of a reaction out of him, I had to ask him if he read the last page and maybe I didn't write it clear because I finally just said I'm pregnant! And then I cried, why I'm not exactly sure, but I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears in the future. I made an appointment on Monday and it's set for March 4th. While I know there's probably something going on in there, I really want to confirm there's something in there before I tell many people... It's times like these I feel like a true Missourian where I need you to SHOW-ME that I am... so I'm remaining skeptically confident.
I feel bad in the mean time lying to people, mostly my dad who I went to hockey game with on the 20th and to tell him why I wasn't drinking. I also feel that way with my mom who the Sunday after I found out was saying she wanted a grandchild (yet again... :)), but I'm hoping to get this confirmed and then we'll happily spread the news to our family and friends.
I've been feeling mostly good, just some bloating and cramping (not bad, just I know it's there). I keep waiting for more symptoms to show up, like nausea, breast sensitivity, that sort of stuff... it might be there a little, but not really in full swing like I thought. Most of the stuff I feel is at the end of the day. I don't have a huge appetite.
I'm really excited to get to my doctor appointment and see if there's really something in there. I keep telling the baby (who I've been calling Poppy because when I first found out I read that baby was the size of a poppy seed) that they can make me as sick as they want, all I want is for that baby to grow strong.
Just because I know so many people who have experienced miscarriages, that's been on my mind a lot, that it's a real possibility. I start to think that if this baby gives me symptoms out the wha-zoo then it must be growing strong. The appointment is still over a week away, but if it goes well I look forward to telling my family. We did tell Dan's mom and step-dad last weekend, but warned them that it's still early. They were really excited and it was really exciting telling them. I had told Dan that we shouldn't say anything, but since I had already shared it with my friend Michelle (only picked her because she can't possibly tell anyone I know) so I felt like he really should be able to share when he wants.
Hopefully all goes well next week and we can share with more people... I'm excited, scared, anxious, tired, moody (oh yeah, those two things I have been experiencing), happy, it just a new life experience I'm so excited to venture on.
A picture shortly after finding out I was pregnant
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