If I could have anything for my birthday

 This post is sad to me... really sad...

I have to find a new home for my cats...  there I said it.

Dan and I would like to move in together, and in order to do that I have to find a new home for my cats.  It makes me so unbelievably sad.  I've had both of them since they were kittens and they love me so much and I love them... but it's just not possible (trust me I've thought through all of the possible ways)

We had thought about renting a house, and with more space I was hopeful that we could figure out a way to make it work... since the issue is his dogs are aggressive with cats.  I hoped that with time and desensitization that it could be possible for everyone to live in the same home.  I have since realized that we'll never be able to trust the dogs and the cats together... and would I really want to put my sweet kitties in a situation where they might die?

Past that the house thing isn't going to work out and we are on the waiting list for a 2-bedroom apartment in the complex he currently lives in.  I just can't see four animals in a 2-bedroom apartment... five if you include the new bird... so I know that just isn't going to work... and it makes me so sad.

I could tell you just how sad and how it makes me me start crying when I really think about it.  Or how it's hard to be around them knowing that I'm going to have to give them to someone else... Ugh... no need to bask in that sadness...

The thing if I'm hashed and re-hashed potential situations of where they could go... but there's just not a clear solution... people are either allergic, already have animals or just don't like cats... and it sucks.  It sucks I can't take them it sucks they have no where to go... it just plain sucks.

The absolute last thing I want to do is leave them at a shelter... that would be horribly awful... I just can't...

So that's what it is... I have no solution...and it just constantly makes me sad.  I am so excited to move in with Dan.  I'm excited to live with him and I'm excited to have my stuff out of storage!  I'm hopeful about living together... this cat thing just weighs very heavy on that... and it's my own fault.

So going back to the title of the post... If I could have anything for my birthday it would be a solution for the cats.  A loving place for them that just makes sense.  That's what I want for my birthday and nothing else... it's weird how serious I am about that.  So if anyone has any ideas...