Well, the year is coming to an end, and I thought I would do a post on how I did accomplishing my New Years Resolution. I am so proud to say that the past two years I've been able to accomplish my resolutions. I've picked things I wanted to inprove on and something that was measurable.
In 2010 I choose to read more books. I set a goal of 25 books in a year, which I didn't quite accomplish - but I did get to 15 and felt very good about that.
This year I decided I want to blog more. I set a goal of 3 blog entries a week or 12 entries a month or 144 entries next year minimum.
Well, how did I do?? Let's first look at monthly stats. It's easy to look for my monthly stats and not the weekly ones...
January - 16
February - 12
March - 12
April - 11
May - 13
June - 13
July - 12
August - 12
September - 16
October - 13
November - 31
December - 15 (including this post)
Looking over those numbers, I hit the 12 post goal in every month except April, I guess that was a sorta slow month!
I wanted to write 144 posts throughout the year... and I achieved 176 posts... that means I wrote 32 more posts than I tried to do... that's pretty darn good, no? That's an average of one post every 2-3 days.
I'm going to digress for a second, the last few years I've done a year in review post talking about major things that happened each month. I have choosen not to that this year given the circumstances... I don't want to have to go back and remember a time where I was married and happy... it's just not the same, I experienced two different 'lifes' this year... so I'm choosing to not do it this year. I'll probably start doing it again next year...
So, you'll have to check back next year for my 2012 New Years Resolution... I haven't completely decided what I'm going to do yet... but you'll know soon enough!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Merry Christmas
My Christmas isn't completely over yet... I still have one more celebration on Sunday, the first. But I wanted to follow up yesterday's post with something happy.
Christmas was wonderful this year. Like I said before, it was kinda nice to only have to worry about myself and not manage a whole other family that seemingly makes me feel guilty that I need to go there and do things with them... This year we started at my dad's family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpa). We played rob your neighbor and I ended up with some pretty sweet Cardinals World Series floor mats.
That night we headed out to my aunt's house were we celebrate with my mom's family (aunts, uncle, cousins, grandma). As I told you previously, we watch A Christmas Story each year... this year my brother, sister, and I all wore our Christmas Story t-shirts.
Don't we look festive?!?
After the movie we opened up gifts... I got some clothes including a new dress and workout outfit (maybe I'll be motivated to actually work out??) and I got a silverware set as well as the traditional pajamas. During the rob your neighbor exchange I got a Cardinals travel mug.
We left my aunt's house super late and it was nearly 1am when we got home. The next morning we opened up gifts. Everyone seemed to like what I got them. I got a ton of stuff including dresses, other clothes, shoes and other stuff... I felt so loved. After opening gifts and stockings we made and ate our traditional breakfast.
After breakfast, we started to play board game after board game... this lasted for the next almost 12 hours. We played Word on the Street, Quirkle, Cranium Wow, Bezzerwizzer, Scattergories Categories, Yahtzee, Whoonu, Buzz Word, Scattergories, and Dicecapades. It was quite the day!!
I also had the next two days off work... so Monday, we did a happy hour sort of thing at the 1904 Beerhouse at River City and on Tuesday I went wedding gown shopping with my great friend Liz. Overall, it was a wonderful Christmas break... and I'm not even finished yet!
Christmas was wonderful this year. Like I said before, it was kinda nice to only have to worry about myself and not manage a whole other family that seemingly makes me feel guilty that I need to go there and do things with them... This year we started at my dad's family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpa). We played rob your neighbor and I ended up with some pretty sweet Cardinals World Series floor mats.
That night we headed out to my aunt's house were we celebrate with my mom's family (aunts, uncle, cousins, grandma). As I told you previously, we watch A Christmas Story each year... this year my brother, sister, and I all wore our Christmas Story t-shirts.
After the movie we opened up gifts... I got some clothes including a new dress and workout outfit (maybe I'll be motivated to actually work out??) and I got a silverware set as well as the traditional pajamas. During the rob your neighbor exchange I got a Cardinals travel mug.
We left my aunt's house super late and it was nearly 1am when we got home. The next morning we opened up gifts. Everyone seemed to like what I got them. I got a ton of stuff including dresses, other clothes, shoes and other stuff... I felt so loved. After opening gifts and stockings we made and ate our traditional breakfast.
After breakfast, we started to play board game after board game... this lasted for the next almost 12 hours. We played Word on the Street, Quirkle, Cranium Wow, Bezzerwizzer, Scattergories Categories, Yahtzee, Whoonu, Buzz Word, Scattergories, and Dicecapades. It was quite the day!!
I also had the next two days off work... so Monday, we did a happy hour sort of thing at the 1904 Beerhouse at River City and on Tuesday I went wedding gown shopping with my great friend Liz. Overall, it was a wonderful Christmas break... and I'm not even finished yet!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The Sadder One
I promise to do the happier Christmas post soon, but right now there are a few things that I'd really like to get off my mind.
Overall, Christmas was a lot of fun and really really great - especially on Christmas Day (really, I promise to tell you all about it later...) but even after that wonderful day when I got into bed for the night I started to feel really sad and I started to miss him... a lot. I guess it has to do with this time of year we spend with family and he was a part of that. I missed being able to talk to him and see him and be with him. I missed finding a good gift for him and I missed experiencing Christmas together... I missed him.
So many times everything is so great and I'm having a truly wonderful time and then I just get this overwhelming flash of sadness... and honestly, I hate it. Why can't I just enjoy the good?? Amerce myself completely and hold onto those good feelings... why must I get sad?
I know some people wonder why I don't talk to them about these feelings... and really, I just don't want to. I don't really feel like telling anyone... there really isn't much anyone can say that I haven't already heard or I really need to hear. I guess I like to deal with these things myself... sure there are things that I do want to talk to people about, but these I'm sad randomly feelings... I would rather just forget. Now why would I choose to blog about them? Well, that would be a good question. I need to get them out someway. I might not want to talk to someone about them, but I like to deal with these feelings somehow... and this blog works very well for me. I feel like some of the things I write about people get upset that I don't just tell them straight out... I would really hope that people are beginning to understand how I need to deal with things. That I'm not telling you because I don't like you or want to talk to you, but this is the way that I have chosen to deal with things. This is the way that makes me feel better... and I'm sorry if that's a bit selfish, but I need to do some things for myself and this is one of them. I have considered not writing these things publicly anymore. I'm not sure what the difference is publicly vs. personally... I could write these feelings privately and write a lot more honestly about things that are bothering me... including things that might just be really hurtful... right now I like the public arena... someone said I'm just looking for comments... but frankly I don't really get many of them, so whatever to that.
I guess it's just that time of year that things are going to be sad. I knew that, but I still didn't expect it to be this strong. I know that Sunday, my final Christmas celebration, is going to be tougher than the rest... I'm slightly dreading it because of that. I wish I could just force myself to be happy... wouldn't that be nice? Maybe I'm making it out to be a lot worse than it actually is - I really hope that's the case... I will just say it's going to suck when I'm the only one not coupled up - regardless of how nice, friendly, not all coupley everyone is - I'd be lying if I said that didn't bother me.
I have been thinking recently about getting back out there... going on a date or signing up for an online dating site (free, not paying yet...). I've had some very mixed feelings about stuff. I do have a hard time with still technically being married while actively looking for a date... but I'm beginning to think it might be the right next move. Maybe I don't have to meet anyone right away, but I can talk to a boy and see how things go... I'm not sure. I've been thinking about it a lot more recently. I'm thinking that I won't be actually divorced until March or April (at the earliest). Do I really want to wait that long? Should I wait until the divorce ball is rolling full on? Should I instead have friends set me up? I'm just thinking that it would be something different, and that's not a bad thing. Hmm... something to consider for sure.
Another things that's been on my mind is this friend of mine. Her and I were super close 3-5 years ago. She was the maid of honor in my wedding. But since we've fallen out of touch. I tried super hard to stay friends with her. I would call, text, email, snail mail, visit, carrier pigeon, and smoke signal to try to make the friendship work... and I didn't get that effort from her at all... (of course this is making a long story short...) Last year she tried to get into touch with me again, and I tried again... I told her to call me that weekend and no call ever came. Yesterday I received a Christmas card from her. I'm paraphrasing, but call me, my life has drastically changed for the better, miss and love you.... Of course it was addressed to him and me because she doesn't know about the divorce, which also stung... I don't really know what to do about it. She was my best friend for a long time, but she also wasn't a good friend... and looking back even at the time she wasn't the greatest. I've put so much effort into things that I feel tapped out in that area... I don't really want to go through all of it again. But then I look at it from another angle. A few of my friendships had fallen apart for one reason or another and I forgave or asked them to forgive me and now I have great friendships with them again... I can think of at least three examples of this. From my caring side, I hate for someone to put out the effort and me be mean just because I'm mad about the past. Do I really want hate in my life like that? So I really don't know what I'm going to do... what I should do... what I want to do... I know what some other's opinions are in the matter, but whatever I decide to do, I need to make sure I'm ok with it, not anyone else.
Decisions, Decisions
Overall, Christmas was a lot of fun and really really great - especially on Christmas Day (really, I promise to tell you all about it later...) but even after that wonderful day when I got into bed for the night I started to feel really sad and I started to miss him... a lot. I guess it has to do with this time of year we spend with family and he was a part of that. I missed being able to talk to him and see him and be with him. I missed finding a good gift for him and I missed experiencing Christmas together... I missed him.
So many times everything is so great and I'm having a truly wonderful time and then I just get this overwhelming flash of sadness... and honestly, I hate it. Why can't I just enjoy the good?? Amerce myself completely and hold onto those good feelings... why must I get sad?
I know some people wonder why I don't talk to them about these feelings... and really, I just don't want to. I don't really feel like telling anyone... there really isn't much anyone can say that I haven't already heard or I really need to hear. I guess I like to deal with these things myself... sure there are things that I do want to talk to people about, but these I'm sad randomly feelings... I would rather just forget. Now why would I choose to blog about them? Well, that would be a good question. I need to get them out someway. I might not want to talk to someone about them, but I like to deal with these feelings somehow... and this blog works very well for me. I feel like some of the things I write about people get upset that I don't just tell them straight out... I would really hope that people are beginning to understand how I need to deal with things. That I'm not telling you because I don't like you or want to talk to you, but this is the way that I have chosen to deal with things. This is the way that makes me feel better... and I'm sorry if that's a bit selfish, but I need to do some things for myself and this is one of them. I have considered not writing these things publicly anymore. I'm not sure what the difference is publicly vs. personally... I could write these feelings privately and write a lot more honestly about things that are bothering me... including things that might just be really hurtful... right now I like the public arena... someone said I'm just looking for comments... but frankly I don't really get many of them, so whatever to that.
I guess it's just that time of year that things are going to be sad. I knew that, but I still didn't expect it to be this strong. I know that Sunday, my final Christmas celebration, is going to be tougher than the rest... I'm slightly dreading it because of that. I wish I could just force myself to be happy... wouldn't that be nice? Maybe I'm making it out to be a lot worse than it actually is - I really hope that's the case... I will just say it's going to suck when I'm the only one not coupled up - regardless of how nice, friendly, not all coupley everyone is - I'd be lying if I said that didn't bother me.
I have been thinking recently about getting back out there... going on a date or signing up for an online dating site (free, not paying yet...). I've had some very mixed feelings about stuff. I do have a hard time with still technically being married while actively looking for a date... but I'm beginning to think it might be the right next move. Maybe I don't have to meet anyone right away, but I can talk to a boy and see how things go... I'm not sure. I've been thinking about it a lot more recently. I'm thinking that I won't be actually divorced until March or April (at the earliest). Do I really want to wait that long? Should I wait until the divorce ball is rolling full on? Should I instead have friends set me up? I'm just thinking that it would be something different, and that's not a bad thing. Hmm... something to consider for sure.
Another things that's been on my mind is this friend of mine. Her and I were super close 3-5 years ago. She was the maid of honor in my wedding. But since we've fallen out of touch. I tried super hard to stay friends with her. I would call, text, email, snail mail, visit, carrier pigeon, and smoke signal to try to make the friendship work... and I didn't get that effort from her at all... (of course this is making a long story short...) Last year she tried to get into touch with me again, and I tried again... I told her to call me that weekend and no call ever came. Yesterday I received a Christmas card from her. I'm paraphrasing, but call me, my life has drastically changed for the better, miss and love you.... Of course it was addressed to him and me because she doesn't know about the divorce, which also stung... I don't really know what to do about it. She was my best friend for a long time, but she also wasn't a good friend... and looking back even at the time she wasn't the greatest. I've put so much effort into things that I feel tapped out in that area... I don't really want to go through all of it again. But then I look at it from another angle. A few of my friendships had fallen apart for one reason or another and I forgave or asked them to forgive me and now I have great friendships with them again... I can think of at least three examples of this. From my caring side, I hate for someone to put out the effort and me be mean just because I'm mad about the past. Do I really want hate in my life like that? So I really don't know what I'm going to do... what I should do... what I want to do... I know what some other's opinions are in the matter, but whatever I decide to do, I need to make sure I'm ok with it, not anyone else.
Decisions, Decisions
Friday, December 23, 2011
Christmas Traditions
I'm not sure if I've ever written about this before... but I think it's really interesting to hear about other family's traditions, so I thought I would share some of the ones that I grew up with and still do today. Of course this year is a bit different or the retro depending how you think about it. I'm choosing to look at it that I get to go back to pure family traditions and don't have to even worry about complicating things with another family in the mix... it's kinda refreshing in a way.
Anyway enough of that!
One of the first traditions that I think I've done since I started driving - or shortly there after - is shopping for pajamas for all the grand children. I still take her out, we went a couple of weeks ago.
Another pre-Christmas tradition in our house is my mom baking like a bajillion cookies. This year is was 15 different kinds. When I was in my own house I made 3-5 different kinds. I have chosen not to bake as many (we already have way too many sweets in the house) but I am going to make cake balls, they're my speciality!
On Christmas Eve we've always gone to my mom's family. It started at my grandparent's house, and now takes place at my aunt Ruth's house. Due to her husband's family she's actually not there. We eat (my mom's family and my other aunt's family) and then we watch A Christmas Story on TBS. I absolutely love this tradition. When the movie wraps up is the same time that Ruth's family gets back and we get together and open presents. Within the last few years we've stopped doing stocking and drawing names. Instead we each bring a $20-25 gift and play Rob Your Neighbor. It's a lot of fun bringing everyone together to play the game... plus I can buy whatever I want to bring. It's really neat to see what people decide is a good gift to bring.
Christmas morning has taken place at a lot of different places, but this year it is old school and we're doing it at my mom's house. We open gifts (one at a time, gotta make the unwrapping last awhile) and then stockings. Then my mom makes a big breakfast and we all eat together. After breakfast we break into the board games we got (my mom always gets us each a board game... and you wondered where my obsession came from). We snack and play games all day long... it's wonderful.
For my entire life my dad's family has celebrated Christmas on Christmas day. This year we are celebrating on Christmas Eve. I will admit that I haven't been to this Christmas celebration for the last 4-5 years due to his family's celebration... but we also started doing a Rob Your Neighbor game at this house. It was much better than drawing names and getting a random gift card or craptastic gift. And it's really great to see this entire family in the same place at the same time focused on one thing. Over there, we eat buffet style and never sit down all together. I remember it being fun everyone being in the same room at the same time for one purpose.
The final Christmas celebrate is at my dad's house. This year it won't take place until next weekend (all for extending the celebration!) All of the kids draw names, which is fun. A few years ago we started doing party food for this celebration which is awesome. I absolutely LOVE party food... and it's really fun to make party food. This year I'm going to make jalapeno artichoke dip (or a new recipe that's similar but slightly different of jalapeno popper dip) and probably buffalo chicken dip. The party food is seriously my favorite part, how silly is that?
I know some people do different things when it comes to gifts under the tree. At my mom's she has everything wrapped up. She'll just write our names or different variations of the names (Jenn, Jenny, Jennasher, etc). At my dad's house, there is one special 'santa' gift that's wrapped in special paper. For me, wrapping is my absolute favorite thing ever... no package is complete without a bow.
What are your favorite Christmas traditions?
Anyway enough of that!
One of the first traditions that I think I've done since I started driving - or shortly there after - is shopping for pajamas for all the grand children. I still take her out, we went a couple of weeks ago.
Another pre-Christmas tradition in our house is my mom baking like a bajillion cookies. This year is was 15 different kinds. When I was in my own house I made 3-5 different kinds. I have chosen not to bake as many (we already have way too many sweets in the house) but I am going to make cake balls, they're my speciality!
On Christmas Eve we've always gone to my mom's family. It started at my grandparent's house, and now takes place at my aunt Ruth's house. Due to her husband's family she's actually not there. We eat (my mom's family and my other aunt's family) and then we watch A Christmas Story on TBS. I absolutely love this tradition. When the movie wraps up is the same time that Ruth's family gets back and we get together and open presents. Within the last few years we've stopped doing stocking and drawing names. Instead we each bring a $20-25 gift and play Rob Your Neighbor. It's a lot of fun bringing everyone together to play the game... plus I can buy whatever I want to bring. It's really neat to see what people decide is a good gift to bring.
Christmas morning has taken place at a lot of different places, but this year it is old school and we're doing it at my mom's house. We open gifts (one at a time, gotta make the unwrapping last awhile) and then stockings. Then my mom makes a big breakfast and we all eat together. After breakfast we break into the board games we got (my mom always gets us each a board game... and you wondered where my obsession came from). We snack and play games all day long... it's wonderful.
For my entire life my dad's family has celebrated Christmas on Christmas day. This year we are celebrating on Christmas Eve. I will admit that I haven't been to this Christmas celebration for the last 4-5 years due to his family's celebration... but we also started doing a Rob Your Neighbor game at this house. It was much better than drawing names and getting a random gift card or craptastic gift. And it's really great to see this entire family in the same place at the same time focused on one thing. Over there, we eat buffet style and never sit down all together. I remember it being fun everyone being in the same room at the same time for one purpose.
The final Christmas celebrate is at my dad's house. This year it won't take place until next weekend (all for extending the celebration!) All of the kids draw names, which is fun. A few years ago we started doing party food for this celebration which is awesome. I absolutely LOVE party food... and it's really fun to make party food. This year I'm going to make jalapeno artichoke dip (or a new recipe that's similar but slightly different of jalapeno popper dip) and probably buffalo chicken dip. The party food is seriously my favorite part, how silly is that?
I know some people do different things when it comes to gifts under the tree. At my mom's she has everything wrapped up. She'll just write our names or different variations of the names (Jenn, Jenny, Jennasher, etc). At my dad's house, there is one special 'santa' gift that's wrapped in special paper. For me, wrapping is my absolute favorite thing ever... no package is complete without a bow.
What are your favorite Christmas traditions?
NFL Week 16 Picks
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
Denver Broncos vs. Buffalo Bills
Arizona Cardinals vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Tennessee Titans
Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins vs. New Endgland Patriots
New York Giants vs. New York Jets
St. Louis Rams vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Redskins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers
Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens
San Diego Chargers vs. Detriot Lions
Philadelpha Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys
San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks
Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers
Atlanta Falcons vs. New Orleans Saints
Susan
Me
Both
After 15 weeks... Susan is making up some ground
Susan: 132-92
Jenn: 138-86
Denver Broncos vs. Buffalo Bills
Arizona Cardinals vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Tennessee Titans
Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins vs. New Endgland Patriots
New York Giants vs. New York Jets
St. Louis Rams vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Redskins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers
Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens
San Diego Chargers vs. Detriot Lions
Philadelpha Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys
San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks
Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers
Atlanta Falcons vs. New Orleans Saints
Susan
Me
Both
After 15 weeks... Susan is making up some ground
Susan: 132-92
Jenn: 138-86
Monday, December 19, 2011
Random Thoughts for a Monday
Just wanted to share some random thoughts.
- I had a pretty good weekend. Mostly, low key, but good. Friday night we had an impromptu happy hour with my dad's family, which is always fun. Saturday I finished shopping for my mom (only dad and purchasing a gift certificate, which I'm going to do today to go). That night I attended an ugly Christmas sweater party. I'm really happy that my step-sister, Rachel agreed to go with me. I had a couple of friends say they would, but ended up bailing, so I'm happy she could attend with me. She know some of those girls, so I think she enjoyed it too. Sunday I worked on homework and then watched the Survivor finale with my mom while wrapping gifts. I still have a few to go, since they were for my mom, and obviously can't do that while she's sitting next to me!
- Mental Health wise I've been doing really good. I think it's a combination of several different things - blogging some honest feelings last week, going to a counseling appointment, figuring out how this divorce will be funded, just knowing that I'm not the only one hurting because of this, and generally just starting to get into the Christmas spirit. I need to remind myself that this whole process is a spiral. Just because I'm doing good today doesn't mean I'll be good forever. I will experience times of pain, upset-ness, anger, sadness, etc. Just because I am any of those negative things doesn't mean I'm moving backward. It's good to remind myself of that. It's okay what I'm thinking - what I'm feeling isn't wrong. It's natural and expected.
- Speaking of that, I actually want to say something nice about him. Yesterday I was having issues with my computer. None of my Microsoft Office programs would open and I would get a weird error message. Not sure what to do, I texted him. I knew that he didn't have to respond - or help me... but he did and I couldn't be more appreciative. He helped me fix the problem relatively quickly (he is good with computers!) I felt good knowing it was a Microsoft update that messed things up and nothing I did. I'm really really thankful that he helped me. It meant a lot to me. We chatted a bit too, and I didn't feel sad after the conversation, but more ok with things somehow. I think sometimes you get into your head and make things up. The counselor calls this distorted thinking patterns. He is hurting too... this isn't easy for either of us, and when I'm feeling sad it's hard not to think that he can't be possibly hurting like I am. This is one of the things that does make me feel better. It just sucks all around.
- I am suppose to be moving buildings at work... it's a bit of a cluster. It feels like someone should give everyone guidance on how to do things - but that just hasn't happened. In the end, it will probably be me moving myself, which just seems weird. I thought I would do it today, but I think I might wait a bit.
- I think I have New Years Eve figured out, which is nice... thanks to my good friend Liz!
- I am really looking forward to the Christmas festivities. I love this time of year and I really want to enjoy it. It's beginning to feel more like Christmas every day, and I'm excited. I think I've mentioned before, but I LOVE wrapping gifts, so I'm looking forward to wrapping the few more that I have tonight. Also on the agenda this week - hanging out with Rachel tomorrow and seeing the Nutcracker at the Touhill on Wednesday... I've been wanting to go to the Nutcracker for ages and I'm super excited to finally seeing it!!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
NFL Week 15 Picks
Whoops... we were doing such a good job of getting the Thursday pick in before the game, but didn't think week
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Atlanta Falcons
Dallas Cowboys vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills
Seattle Seahawks vs. Chicago Bears
Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts
Green Bay Packers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Cincinnati Bengals vs. St. Louis Rams
New Orleans Saints vs. Minnesota Vikings
Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants
Carolina Panthers vs. Houston Texans
Detroit Lions vs. Oakland Raiders
New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos
New York Jets vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Cleveland Browns vs. Arizona Cardinals
Baltimore Ravens vs. San Diego Chargers
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. San Francisco 49ers
I'll add up the scores another time
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Atlanta Falcons
Dallas Cowboys vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills
Seattle Seahawks vs. Chicago Bears
Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts
Green Bay Packers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Cincinnati Bengals vs. St. Louis Rams
New Orleans Saints vs. Minnesota Vikings
Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants
Carolina Panthers vs. Houston Texans
Detroit Lions vs. Oakland Raiders
New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos
New York Jets vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Cleveland Browns vs. Arizona Cardinals
Baltimore Ravens vs. San Diego Chargers
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. San Francisco 49ers
Susan
Me
BothI'll add up the scores another time
Thursday, December 15, 2011
500
This is a special post for me... this is my 500th post!! Can you believe it? I have been blogging since mid-October 2008. I good blogger would have reached this goal by now... but I've stuck with my resolution (more on that in a week or two) and I feel like I'm doing much better as a blogger.
A lot of things have happened in the 3+ years and 500 posts... and I'm not going to recap that... but you can read about them, if you want :)
I wanted to write a bit about why I enjoy this blog and what it means to me. Lately it has become clearer to me. I write this blog for me... while I really enjoy knowing that I have readers and I especially love getting the very few comments that I actually get (I know there's a way to get more, but I'm not there quite yet) This blog is a tale of my life. It's a place to record all the things that I do, the feelings I've had. It's nice to see growth and it's a good re-assurance that life moves on and this two will pass.
I like being able to look back and see the past three years in a way that I would not remember otherwise. I haven't really enjoyed looking back recently, but I am 100% certain that I'll be happy that I didn't go all crazy and delete posts of that previous life. It's a part of me, and it's a way for me to grow. Speaking of that, this blog has helped me more than I can really say in staying (somewhat) sane and strong during this divorce. I know they are probably not the most enjoyable or easy to read posts, but it's a place for me to be honest with myself. Those posts have helped me a lot to sort out my feelings and a place to get them out of my head. I've had a lot of on the negative side posts recently, but yesterday's post really helped me feel better. I've felt a lot better since I wrote it (not perfect, but better.)
I'm happy I decided to start blogging. When I started, I really wasn't sure where I wanted it to go, or what I wanted it to become... but it's become my life, it's become a place for family and friends to read and know what's going on, especially things I probably just wouldn't say when I'm around (not because their bad, but because they don't seem conversation worthy) I'm happy with where this has come and where it's going.
I will keep on blogging... I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. To my readers (the few, but still), I'm happy that you stop by and share in my life journey. Even though I know most of you don't comment (you should) it means a lot to me to know you're out there.
Here's to many many more posts!!
A lot of things have happened in the 3+ years and 500 posts... and I'm not going to recap that... but you can read about them, if you want :)
I wanted to write a bit about why I enjoy this blog and what it means to me. Lately it has become clearer to me. I write this blog for me... while I really enjoy knowing that I have readers and I especially love getting the very few comments that I actually get (I know there's a way to get more, but I'm not there quite yet) This blog is a tale of my life. It's a place to record all the things that I do, the feelings I've had. It's nice to see growth and it's a good re-assurance that life moves on and this two will pass.
I like being able to look back and see the past three years in a way that I would not remember otherwise. I haven't really enjoyed looking back recently, but I am 100% certain that I'll be happy that I didn't go all crazy and delete posts of that previous life. It's a part of me, and it's a way for me to grow. Speaking of that, this blog has helped me more than I can really say in staying (somewhat) sane and strong during this divorce. I know they are probably not the most enjoyable or easy to read posts, but it's a place for me to be honest with myself. Those posts have helped me a lot to sort out my feelings and a place to get them out of my head. I've had a lot of on the negative side posts recently, but yesterday's post really helped me feel better. I've felt a lot better since I wrote it (not perfect, but better.)
I'm happy I decided to start blogging. When I started, I really wasn't sure where I wanted it to go, or what I wanted it to become... but it's become my life, it's become a place for family and friends to read and know what's going on, especially things I probably just wouldn't say when I'm around (not because their bad, but because they don't seem conversation worthy) I'm happy with where this has come and where it's going.
I will keep on blogging... I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. To my readers (the few, but still), I'm happy that you stop by and share in my life journey. Even though I know most of you don't comment (you should) it means a lot to me to know you're out there.
Here's to many many more posts!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I'm not sure
Here we are again... I promised a happier post and here I am starting a brand new whiney, woe-is-me post. I'm going to be real... I've been having a rough time lately. I'm not sure why, but I am. I've been feeling more sad lately, crying randomly, and just really sensitive... I hate it. I have really tried to stay positive and hope this is just passing... and honestly I'm still clinging to that hope... I don't like to be sad, I don't like to be negative, and I don't like being overly sensitive... but it seems like everything is getting to me lately.
While it is true that I'm not wallowing in self-despare 100% of the time. I can still be happy and positive and have a good time at times... I've been feeling the negative feelings more than I really want to admit. I can't even really tell you what makes me sad or start feeling negative. Sometimes I will be driving along and have this fleeting thought... and just start to tear up. It might be related to him or the situation or a friend... it could be any of these things... Like on Monday, I was merely thinking about having to tell the doctor about this situation and I started to cry or I'll think about my previous life and be sad.
If I'm being honest... I'm starting to worry if this is normal. I'm starting to worry that I'm moving backward and not forward. I'm starting to worry I'm not in as good a place as people think... or that even I want to believe. What if I'm just kidding myself and I've got a problem that I don't want to admit... I don't know what's normal... but I think I feel sad more than people realize. Shoot... when people talk to me about the situation or ask me questions I get teary eyed.
And honestly, I really haven't felt the desire to talk to anyone about this situation. I know tons of people would be there to listen and not judge... trust me, I know that you are there. It's just that, I don't really feel like I have much to say. I don't really know what I want to talk about... or if I have anything that I really need to say... does that make any sense.
I feel silly even writing this post (mostly b/c I was sadder when I started writing it than I do feel now...) I guess that writing stuff out helps me a lot. There have been some things lately, as I've mentioned, that I don't really feel comfortable sharing. Mostly, I don't want to commit certain things to writing because I don't want to hurt feelings or complain about people that are my friends and family... if those things really need to be written about I should write them elsewhere, not in this public arena.
Geez... I just feel like a mess sometimes... I just so desperately want to be ok. I don't want to cry, I don't want feel sad or sensitive. Speaking of the sensitive... things people say I'm just getting more emotional about than I should... or quite honestly taking it out of context and relating it to other parts of my life, including the past relationship when I shouldn't do it at all.
When I'm thinking logically and my mind/body isn't clouded with emotions I can say this. While, this divorce sucks royally - I think in a lot of ways I'm better off. He had some childhood issues he didn't want to work out, finanically we should have been better, he was selfish in a lot of ways, and looking back I think all of these things effected me more than I wanted to admit at the time. The chance to start all over, is actually kind of exciting...
I wonder if I'm letting myself to get emotional and feel sorry for myself in this weird limbo period. I have said (if I said it on this blog, I cannot remember) but it doesn't feel right to me to actively look for dates while I'm still technically married. Which kind of means, I'm just holding off on that aspect until I'm divorced. Maybe these emotions are also tied to this... I'm not sure. I talked (well, I tried to call, but he just texted back... figures) to him last night about a good option to get the ball rolling. I don't find it 100% ideal (as it would still be part of my money and I don't think I should have to pay) but I do think it's a good option to get this behind me... and I'm starting to think that's more important now.
Final Thoughts: I felt surprisingly better throughtout the month of November when I was 'forcing' myself to write each day. Maybe I should do that again... it was hard to find something to write about each and every day... but if it helps my mental health state because I do make myself write (both good and bad) I should consider it. Something to think about!
While it is true that I'm not wallowing in self-despare 100% of the time. I can still be happy and positive and have a good time at times... I've been feeling the negative feelings more than I really want to admit. I can't even really tell you what makes me sad or start feeling negative. Sometimes I will be driving along and have this fleeting thought... and just start to tear up. It might be related to him or the situation or a friend... it could be any of these things... Like on Monday, I was merely thinking about having to tell the doctor about this situation and I started to cry or I'll think about my previous life and be sad.
If I'm being honest... I'm starting to worry if this is normal. I'm starting to worry that I'm moving backward and not forward. I'm starting to worry I'm not in as good a place as people think... or that even I want to believe. What if I'm just kidding myself and I've got a problem that I don't want to admit... I don't know what's normal... but I think I feel sad more than people realize. Shoot... when people talk to me about the situation or ask me questions I get teary eyed.
And honestly, I really haven't felt the desire to talk to anyone about this situation. I know tons of people would be there to listen and not judge... trust me, I know that you are there. It's just that, I don't really feel like I have much to say. I don't really know what I want to talk about... or if I have anything that I really need to say... does that make any sense.
I feel silly even writing this post (mostly b/c I was sadder when I started writing it than I do feel now...) I guess that writing stuff out helps me a lot. There have been some things lately, as I've mentioned, that I don't really feel comfortable sharing. Mostly, I don't want to commit certain things to writing because I don't want to hurt feelings or complain about people that are my friends and family... if those things really need to be written about I should write them elsewhere, not in this public arena.
Geez... I just feel like a mess sometimes... I just so desperately want to be ok. I don't want to cry, I don't want feel sad or sensitive. Speaking of the sensitive... things people say I'm just getting more emotional about than I should... or quite honestly taking it out of context and relating it to other parts of my life, including the past relationship when I shouldn't do it at all.
When I'm thinking logically and my mind/body isn't clouded with emotions I can say this. While, this divorce sucks royally - I think in a lot of ways I'm better off. He had some childhood issues he didn't want to work out, finanically we should have been better, he was selfish in a lot of ways, and looking back I think all of these things effected me more than I wanted to admit at the time. The chance to start all over, is actually kind of exciting...
I wonder if I'm letting myself to get emotional and feel sorry for myself in this weird limbo period. I have said (if I said it on this blog, I cannot remember) but it doesn't feel right to me to actively look for dates while I'm still technically married. Which kind of means, I'm just holding off on that aspect until I'm divorced. Maybe these emotions are also tied to this... I'm not sure. I talked (well, I tried to call, but he just texted back... figures) to him last night about a good option to get the ball rolling. I don't find it 100% ideal (as it would still be part of my money and I don't think I should have to pay) but I do think it's a good option to get this behind me... and I'm starting to think that's more important now.
Final Thoughts: I felt surprisingly better throughtout the month of November when I was 'forcing' myself to write each day. Maybe I should do that again... it was hard to find something to write about each and every day... but if it helps my mental health state because I do make myself write (both good and bad) I should consider it. Something to think about!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Some Things
There has been this feeling I've been feeling most of the weekend... but it's just not something I'm comfortable posting on this blog in full detail. I'm going to try to write about what I feel comfortable saying, but I'm honestly not sure how it's going to flow... just letting you know this from the beginning.
As I mentioned in my last post (before football picks) that I was having a hard time feeling 'happy' at the work Christmas party. I kinda had that same feeling again this weekend. When I was surrounded by my good friends and just feeling like I had to force it a bit. I'm kinda attributing that to some other issues, but I wanted to feel it, I just wasn't. It was only when I was in the group of people, when I was one-on-one I felt a lot better... not sure what that means?
Also going along with the last post... I still feel like I'm not getting what I need from some of my friends (not all of them, just some...) I don't really know how to describe it. I'm not even exactly sure what I'm looking for, or what I do need... but I just don't feel like I'm getting it. I think I might be more dependent on my friends and sad when I don't feel like I'm ever made a priority or a thought sometimes... Like I said last time... this may be me setting my expectation very high... but I guess I've just been felt let down. (just deleted a whole passage where I got way too specific and I really don't want to bitch and moan about my friends here, when most of the time they are great and make me happy)
I feel like this is me just rehashing a lot of what I wrote on Friday. Sometimes I just need to do that... a lot of what I deleted did help to write out (even if it got deleted...) It's been a little over three months since this all went down... at some points, when I'm sad or upset, I just hoped to be a lot further along by now. I knew this stuff would bother me for awhile... but in a lot of ways sometimes I feel like I would be in a better place by now. I mean, I'm happy and getting by and whatever... but sometimes I still get really sad and I still feel really betrayed. And the more I think about how he knew for so long before he told me.... and that he told me over the phone while I was at work just kills me. At times it makes me feel so betrayed and like I wasn't even worth anything to him in the marriage. I feel like he owed me so much more and those thoughts break my heart all over again. Add in how his family has subsequently treated me, and I get pretty sad.
Some of these crying fits and sadness strikes - the feelings feel just as fresh as they were three months ago. Will they subside over time? I guess I will say that I don't feel hopeless and the crying fits/sadness strikes don't last nearly as long... that probably is a subsidizing thing.
Blah... I need to write about something happy next time... not for anyone else, but for myself. I feel like if you read a lot of these posts that you don't get an accurate sense of how I normally feel. So I do feel like I need to stress (both for myself and my readers) that I am happy... I am doing fairly well most of the time. It's not all hopeless and despair... trust me when I say that. Just want/need to work through some of these not so happy things... that's all.
As I mentioned in my last post (before football picks) that I was having a hard time feeling 'happy' at the work Christmas party. I kinda had that same feeling again this weekend. When I was surrounded by my good friends and just feeling like I had to force it a bit. I'm kinda attributing that to some other issues, but I wanted to feel it, I just wasn't. It was only when I was in the group of people, when I was one-on-one I felt a lot better... not sure what that means?
Also going along with the last post... I still feel like I'm not getting what I need from some of my friends (not all of them, just some...) I don't really know how to describe it. I'm not even exactly sure what I'm looking for, or what I do need... but I just don't feel like I'm getting it. I think I might be more dependent on my friends and sad when I don't feel like I'm ever made a priority or a thought sometimes... Like I said last time... this may be me setting my expectation very high... but I guess I've just been felt let down. (just deleted a whole passage where I got way too specific and I really don't want to bitch and moan about my friends here, when most of the time they are great and make me happy)
I feel like this is me just rehashing a lot of what I wrote on Friday. Sometimes I just need to do that... a lot of what I deleted did help to write out (even if it got deleted...) It's been a little over three months since this all went down... at some points, when I'm sad or upset, I just hoped to be a lot further along by now. I knew this stuff would bother me for awhile... but in a lot of ways sometimes I feel like I would be in a better place by now. I mean, I'm happy and getting by and whatever... but sometimes I still get really sad and I still feel really betrayed. And the more I think about how he knew for so long before he told me.... and that he told me over the phone while I was at work just kills me. At times it makes me feel so betrayed and like I wasn't even worth anything to him in the marriage. I feel like he owed me so much more and those thoughts break my heart all over again. Add in how his family has subsequently treated me, and I get pretty sad.
Some of these crying fits and sadness strikes - the feelings feel just as fresh as they were three months ago. Will they subside over time? I guess I will say that I don't feel hopeless and the crying fits/sadness strikes don't last nearly as long... that probably is a subsidizing thing.
Blah... I need to write about something happy next time... not for anyone else, but for myself. I feel like if you read a lot of these posts that you don't get an accurate sense of how I normally feel. So I do feel like I need to stress (both for myself and my readers) that I am happy... I am doing fairly well most of the time. It's not all hopeless and despair... trust me when I say that. Just want/need to work through some of these not so happy things... that's all.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
NFL Week 14 Picks
Cleveland Browns vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Houston Texans vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Minnesota Vikings vs. Detriot Lions
New Orleans Saints vs. Tennessee Titans
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Miami Dolphins
Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets
New England Patriots vs. Washington Redskins
Atlanta Falcons vs. Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Indianapolis Colts vs. Baltimore Ravens
Chicago Bears vs. Denver Broncos
San Francisco 49ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Oakland Raiders vs. Green Bay Packers
Buffalo Bills vs. San Diego Chargers
New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys
St. Louis Rams vs. Seattle Seahawks
Jenn
Susan
Both
After 13 weeks....
Susan: 113-79
Jenn: 123-69
Houston Texans vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Minnesota Vikings vs. Detriot Lions
New Orleans Saints vs. Tennessee Titans
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Miami Dolphins
Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets
New England Patriots vs. Washington Redskins
Atlanta Falcons vs. Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Indianapolis Colts vs. Baltimore Ravens
Chicago Bears vs. Denver Broncos
San Francisco 49ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Oakland Raiders vs. Green Bay Packers
Buffalo Bills vs. San Diego Chargers
New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys
St. Louis Rams vs. Seattle Seahawks
Jenn
Susan
Both
After 13 weeks....
Susan: 113-79
Jenn: 123-69
Friday, December 9, 2011
Fake It
I don't know what it was about yesterday but it was the first day that I just couldn't will myself to have a good time and be happy. It was a really weird sensation for me. I was at my work's Christmas party and I was just not feeling it. I put on a smile and tried my best, but I feel like it was very obvious that I wasn't in the mood. It felt really weird and I hope that it's not a trend. I have a feeling that's what depressed people feel all the time. I don't think I have depression, and I will be on the look out for the signs (and hope others would be too) but yesterday was just a bit unnerving. I should have been happy and having a good time... but what I wanted to do was leave, not be around people and just get away... hopefully that doesn't happen again any time soon.
Going along with this... maybe it's related but I don't think it is... but maybe things affect me more than I realize... but yesterday I felt fine in the morning... totally great... was happy and 'moving forward' and all that... and then something happened that just made me feel back at square one. I know I'm not ever back at square one, but still. Sometime I feel so dumb for being sad about this or that. Like it's just so silly, why would anyone be upset about that. I know that I should just be honest with my feeling, but you can't help but feel dumb sometimes. If you want to know what happened... yesterday it was announced that Albert Pujols will be going to the Angels next year. (sad day for Cardinals fans, but is what it is) anywho... my cousin was one of the first to say this on Facebook. And what do you know, but his brother comments on that status. This just angers me... a lot. His brother can delete me off Facebook lickety split yet remains 'friends' with my cousins... my family. Delete them all... or quit commenting on their status. (he did it again this morning to my other cousin too...) I guess it just brings up all those sad feelings I have about his family. It just hurts me so much. I thought I was coming terms to it, but I'm not. I am still really sad and upset about it... more than I really want to admit to myself.
But honestly, I had come to 'terms' with those feelings before the Christmas party - so I didn't think they were related. I guess I'm worried that I might feel this way throughout Christmas... one of my favorite times of the year. I really really hope that I don't... I don't think I will, but who knows. I never love the work Christmas party, so maybe it's just part of that.
And while I'm already talking about stuff that bothers me... I've felt slightly let down by friends. I will say that it doesn't take much, and I probably have my expectations incredibly high right now. But, I just have felt really disappointed by some of them lately. I'm getting irritated at people who say they will go with me to X, Y, or Z and then later get out of it. I would have appreciated honesty from the beginning instead of false promises or getting my hopes up (for lack of a better phrase/word whatever). I don't feel like I can really express what I'm feeling. And some of it probably has to do with something I'm doing wrong or expecting and I shouldn't be. I don't know... I feel bad even writing this... but it's something that's been on my mind and since this is my blog... I want to write how I honestly feel. It's a place that I can be honest with myself - I'm not writing this in the hopes someone will read it and change or feel bad or upset... I am writing it because this is my outlet and I need to say it somewhere. I think I need to figure out a way to lower my expectations... especially in cases where I know they need to be low.
Wow, this post was really a bit of a downer... sorry about that... I hope I don't sound like I'm sad all the time, because that's really not the case... it's just been a slightly rough week in a very odd way... I am happy a lot of the time, but the sad times are the ones that I really start to feel the urge to write. So what's what this is.
Going along with this... maybe it's related but I don't think it is... but maybe things affect me more than I realize... but yesterday I felt fine in the morning... totally great... was happy and 'moving forward' and all that... and then something happened that just made me feel back at square one. I know I'm not ever back at square one, but still. Sometime I feel so dumb for being sad about this or that. Like it's just so silly, why would anyone be upset about that. I know that I should just be honest with my feeling, but you can't help but feel dumb sometimes. If you want to know what happened... yesterday it was announced that Albert Pujols will be going to the Angels next year. (sad day for Cardinals fans, but is what it is) anywho... my cousin was one of the first to say this on Facebook. And what do you know, but his brother comments on that status. This just angers me... a lot. His brother can delete me off Facebook lickety split yet remains 'friends' with my cousins... my family. Delete them all... or quit commenting on their status. (he did it again this morning to my other cousin too...) I guess it just brings up all those sad feelings I have about his family. It just hurts me so much. I thought I was coming terms to it, but I'm not. I am still really sad and upset about it... more than I really want to admit to myself.
But honestly, I had come to 'terms' with those feelings before the Christmas party - so I didn't think they were related. I guess I'm worried that I might feel this way throughout Christmas... one of my favorite times of the year. I really really hope that I don't... I don't think I will, but who knows. I never love the work Christmas party, so maybe it's just part of that.
And while I'm already talking about stuff that bothers me... I've felt slightly let down by friends. I will say that it doesn't take much, and I probably have my expectations incredibly high right now. But, I just have felt really disappointed by some of them lately. I'm getting irritated at people who say they will go with me to X, Y, or Z and then later get out of it. I would have appreciated honesty from the beginning instead of false promises or getting my hopes up (for lack of a better phrase/word whatever). I don't feel like I can really express what I'm feeling. And some of it probably has to do with something I'm doing wrong or expecting and I shouldn't be. I don't know... I feel bad even writing this... but it's something that's been on my mind and since this is my blog... I want to write how I honestly feel. It's a place that I can be honest with myself - I'm not writing this in the hopes someone will read it and change or feel bad or upset... I am writing it because this is my outlet and I need to say it somewhere. I think I need to figure out a way to lower my expectations... especially in cases where I know they need to be low.
Wow, this post was really a bit of a downer... sorry about that... I hope I don't sound like I'm sad all the time, because that's really not the case... it's just been a slightly rough week in a very odd way... I am happy a lot of the time, but the sad times are the ones that I really start to feel the urge to write. So what's what this is.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Some Thoughts
I haven't written in awhile and I've thoroughly missed it. After writing everyday for 30 days, it felt weird not writing for the past week. I guess that I built sort of a habit in that month, which isn't a bad thing. I've really wanted to write, but I've also felt like I really don't have much to say.
I have fleeting thoughts a lot... thought about this divorce and other things. None of them have really felt worth committing to writing. In general, I feel sad sometimes, and I still cry from time-to-time, often very randomly. For the most part I feel really ok. I am ready to get the actual legal divorce ball rolling but I'm ok with the fact it won't happen until next year. I still think that he should pay for more of it than me. I have been giving that some thought lately. Basically, he was the one who changed his mind, he was the one who initiated all of this, and the more I think about it, he is the one gaining a majority of the assets. At this point I believe he should pay for most if not all of it. However, we have not discussed that... and there is the possibility if I wait for that to happen, it might be a very long time before we are divorced.
Like I said, I'm feeling ok. I'm just ready for the next step. I'm like really ready to be completely ok. And by that I mean, I'm ready to be ready to date and get back out there. This divorce not happening fast has given me a bit of a cooling period. It forces me to wait. I'm not saying that I couldn't start dating, but I certainly could, but I feel like it's very wrong to online date or put myself way out there when I'm still technically married. If something were to randomly happen naturally, that's a different story, but I'm not ready to actively be looking until I am not married anymore.
I feel the need to reiterate (only because one of my friends thought I was saying something different) I know that right now I am not ready, regardless of the divorce or not. I just am not there emotionally and I totally recognize that. I don't think I need to fully be there, but I need to be a heck of a lot closer before I'm ready to be hanging out even remotely romantically with guys. I am not trying to force myself to be ready, or put some sort of time limit on feelings (i.e. I will start dating in 6 months). I am ok with where I am right now. I feel like I've got a fairly level head about this right now. I feel like I'm doing the right thing for me. After all, my motto through this is 'until it stops working.'
Anyway... in somewhat related news HIMYM has been relevant to what's going on in a way. I started watching old episode sometime last year and now I'm watching new episodes (BTW, one of my favorite shows on TV). This season has had the incredibly relevant babies topic. With Barney changing his mind about wanting kids and Robin not wanting kids, then finding out she can't have them, only be be sad about it... it's just been relevant. Surprisingly, this hasn't made me feel sad or bothered really... just pensive?
One final thing... I watched the entire first season of Survivor on You Tube in the last week or so. I thought I would looking back, and thus far it's been great. That first season of Survivor is unreal when you compare it to current day. I mean, that first season they were all mad at Richard Hatch because he formed an alliance, and alliances are horrible, horrible things. Compared to these days, when the alliances start forming after an hour on the island... just funny. I remember watching that show and hating Richard... now that I'm much more of a fan, I can respect that a lot more. I'm looking forward to watching the other seasons too.
And on that note... I'm finished with this entry.
I have fleeting thoughts a lot... thought about this divorce and other things. None of them have really felt worth committing to writing. In general, I feel sad sometimes, and I still cry from time-to-time, often very randomly. For the most part I feel really ok. I am ready to get the actual legal divorce ball rolling but I'm ok with the fact it won't happen until next year. I still think that he should pay for more of it than me. I have been giving that some thought lately. Basically, he was the one who changed his mind, he was the one who initiated all of this, and the more I think about it, he is the one gaining a majority of the assets. At this point I believe he should pay for most if not all of it. However, we have not discussed that... and there is the possibility if I wait for that to happen, it might be a very long time before we are divorced.
Like I said, I'm feeling ok. I'm just ready for the next step. I'm like really ready to be completely ok. And by that I mean, I'm ready to be ready to date and get back out there. This divorce not happening fast has given me a bit of a cooling period. It forces me to wait. I'm not saying that I couldn't start dating, but I certainly could, but I feel like it's very wrong to online date or put myself way out there when I'm still technically married. If something were to randomly happen naturally, that's a different story, but I'm not ready to actively be looking until I am not married anymore.
I feel the need to reiterate (only because one of my friends thought I was saying something different) I know that right now I am not ready, regardless of the divorce or not. I just am not there emotionally and I totally recognize that. I don't think I need to fully be there, but I need to be a heck of a lot closer before I'm ready to be hanging out even remotely romantically with guys. I am not trying to force myself to be ready, or put some sort of time limit on feelings (i.e. I will start dating in 6 months). I am ok with where I am right now. I feel like I've got a fairly level head about this right now. I feel like I'm doing the right thing for me. After all, my motto through this is 'until it stops working.'
Anyway... in somewhat related news HIMYM has been relevant to what's going on in a way. I started watching old episode sometime last year and now I'm watching new episodes (BTW, one of my favorite shows on TV). This season has had the incredibly relevant babies topic. With Barney changing his mind about wanting kids and Robin not wanting kids, then finding out she can't have them, only be be sad about it... it's just been relevant. Surprisingly, this hasn't made me feel sad or bothered really... just pensive?
One final thing... I watched the entire first season of Survivor on You Tube in the last week or so. I thought I would looking back, and thus far it's been great. That first season of Survivor is unreal when you compare it to current day. I mean, that first season they were all mad at Richard Hatch because he formed an alliance, and alliances are horrible, horrible things. Compared to these days, when the alliances start forming after an hour on the island... just funny. I remember watching that show and hating Richard... now that I'm much more of a fan, I can respect that a lot more. I'm looking forward to watching the other seasons too.
And on that note... I'm finished with this entry.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
NFL Week 13 Picks
FYI We made our Thursday pick before the game I just didn't want to post yet...
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Seattle Seahawks
Tennessee Titans vs. Buffalo Bills
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Chicago Bears
Oakland Raiders vs. Miami Dolphins
Denver Broncos vs. Minnesota Vikings
Indianapolis Colts vs. New England Patriots
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Carolina Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
New York Jets vs. Washington Redskins
Atlanta Falcons vs. Houston Texans
Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers vs. New York Giants
Dallas Cowboys vs. Arizona Cardinals
St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49ers
Detriot Lions vs. New Orleans Saints
San Diego Chargers vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Susan
Me
Both
After 12 weeks - Susan gains on me a little...
Susan: 104-72
Jenn: 113-63
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Seattle Seahawks
Tennessee Titans vs. Buffalo Bills
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Chicago Bears
Oakland Raiders vs. Miami Dolphins
Denver Broncos vs. Minnesota Vikings
Indianapolis Colts vs. New England Patriots
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Carolina Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
New York Jets vs. Washington Redskins
Atlanta Falcons vs. Houston Texans
Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers vs. New York Giants
Dallas Cowboys vs. Arizona Cardinals
St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49ers
Detriot Lions vs. New Orleans Saints
San Diego Chargers vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Susan
Me
Both
After 12 weeks - Susan gains on me a little...
Susan: 104-72
Jenn: 113-63
Friday, December 2, 2011
How?
Say there is something that really bothers you. Something that you get super emotional about. One of those the feeling hits you way before you're actually able to defuse the situation. Your eyes get all teary and before you know it you really want to to cry. But you're not in a situation where you can... maybe you're around a big group of people, or in a strange location or you just can't get away... You can't really describe the situation to the people around you (maybe it doesn't make sense or opening your mouth will just make it worse) and you cannot just avoid the situation from the start.
You try to logic your way out of it - this doesn't make sense, why are you upset... the only real way is to try to tactifully get around it (not make it obvious), maybe go to the bathroom to cry... Or that's the only ways I've figure out how to get myself off that emotional peak.
So my question is... how do I get over this? I know it would probably help to know the details, but I don't really want to make those public. I guess, my question is how do I bring myself down? Or help me get over it before I'm even in the situation?
I can tell you that the mere thought of thinking about it can get my pretty emotional. It doesn't make sense. I guess that I just have really strong feelings... and while in my head I'm telling myself it's stupid to feel that way my body cannot get on board with my head. I don't want it to happen anymore and I'm pretty annoyed by it all... I feel stupid and I feel like eventually someone will call me out on it (which won't make it any better!) I'm not saying that I need to completely get over these feelings - I just need to not be so emotional about it at the drop of a hat.
I plan on asking my counselor about it... but thought I would put it out here too. It's something that I need and want to get over... it's something that's so stupid I hate even bringing it up. I just want to figure out a way to be okay with it and not break into tears...
You try to logic your way out of it - this doesn't make sense, why are you upset... the only real way is to try to tactifully get around it (not make it obvious), maybe go to the bathroom to cry... Or that's the only ways I've figure out how to get myself off that emotional peak.
So my question is... how do I get over this? I know it would probably help to know the details, but I don't really want to make those public. I guess, my question is how do I bring myself down? Or help me get over it before I'm even in the situation?
I can tell you that the mere thought of thinking about it can get my pretty emotional. It doesn't make sense. I guess that I just have really strong feelings... and while in my head I'm telling myself it's stupid to feel that way my body cannot get on board with my head. I don't want it to happen anymore and I'm pretty annoyed by it all... I feel stupid and I feel like eventually someone will call me out on it (which won't make it any better!) I'm not saying that I need to completely get over these feelings - I just need to not be so emotional about it at the drop of a hat.
I plan on asking my counselor about it... but thought I would put it out here too. It's something that I need and want to get over... it's something that's so stupid I hate even bringing it up. I just want to figure out a way to be okay with it and not break into tears...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Day 30
Today is the last day of November. Way back on November 1st, I told you I challenged myself to write a post every day this month. And I totally succeeded! Once I post this entry I will have 31 entries for the month of November. I actually posted twice in one day! (of course that was football picks, but whatever.)
Somedays it was a real challenge to think of anything to write. That's typically when I wrote about something silly like shoes or glittery dresses. But I also think there was a lot of quality posts too. Many thoughts on this divorce and some nice ones about my grandma.
It really pushed me to think of something for each day. There were times that I was dreading writing because I didn't have much to say, but then glad I wrote the entry. This suff is very true with things related to the divorce. Sometimes I don't really want to talk about things, and then end up feeling better when I just get it all out. Blogging has really helped me in that way. Whether or not people want to read it, I'm sure it can be depressing and not really that interesting to hear me babble on... but for me it makes all the difference in the world. Blogging here has made a true difference in my attitude and outlook. It's an outlet that I so very much need.
Sometimes I don't want to talk to others about these feeling and just need to work through the issues myself on my own. I know that could be hurtful to some friends to not hear certain things from me... but I'm doing what I need to do for myself. I don't want to sound selfish, but with the emotional swings I get on a daily basis, I need to do what makes me feel better and ok and not worse. My motto through these past three months has been do what I'm doing until it stops working or no longer makes sense.
This challenge has forced me to write about something each day and I have written down a lot of feelings because of it. I'm happy that I had something driving me and something to look forward to. This challenge has made me consider forcing myself to write an entry everyday all the time (not just through November)... I'm not sure that I want to take on that quite yet, but I'm really happy that I tried and totally succeeded... it was really nice working toward a goal.
One of the things I thought I would do was schedule a lot of posts. Maybe write several posts in a day and schedule them to post throughout the month. I can honestly say that I didn't do it this way. I scheduled a total of one post - the Thanksgiving post. Of course if you look at the times on some posts they are close to the end of the day... or written super early in the morning... but guess what... it TOTALLY counts. The funny thing is I started a list of things to write about at the beginning of the month... I didn't have to touch on all of those.
So readers - did you enjoy seeing a post from me each day? How do you feel about it?
Somedays it was a real challenge to think of anything to write. That's typically when I wrote about something silly like shoes or glittery dresses. But I also think there was a lot of quality posts too. Many thoughts on this divorce and some nice ones about my grandma.
It really pushed me to think of something for each day. There were times that I was dreading writing because I didn't have much to say, but then glad I wrote the entry. This suff is very true with things related to the divorce. Sometimes I don't really want to talk about things, and then end up feeling better when I just get it all out. Blogging has really helped me in that way. Whether or not people want to read it, I'm sure it can be depressing and not really that interesting to hear me babble on... but for me it makes all the difference in the world. Blogging here has made a true difference in my attitude and outlook. It's an outlet that I so very much need.
Sometimes I don't want to talk to others about these feeling and just need to work through the issues myself on my own. I know that could be hurtful to some friends to not hear certain things from me... but I'm doing what I need to do for myself. I don't want to sound selfish, but with the emotional swings I get on a daily basis, I need to do what makes me feel better and ok and not worse. My motto through these past three months has been do what I'm doing until it stops working or no longer makes sense.
This challenge has forced me to write about something each day and I have written down a lot of feelings because of it. I'm happy that I had something driving me and something to look forward to. This challenge has made me consider forcing myself to write an entry everyday all the time (not just through November)... I'm not sure that I want to take on that quite yet, but I'm really happy that I tried and totally succeeded... it was really nice working toward a goal.
One of the things I thought I would do was schedule a lot of posts. Maybe write several posts in a day and schedule them to post throughout the month. I can honestly say that I didn't do it this way. I scheduled a total of one post - the Thanksgiving post. Of course if you look at the times on some posts they are close to the end of the day... or written super early in the morning... but guess what... it TOTALLY counts. The funny thing is I started a list of things to write about at the beginning of the month... I didn't have to touch on all of those.
So readers - did you enjoy seeing a post from me each day? How do you feel about it?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Budget
One of the things that's been on my mind is my finances. Since the separation, I am not completely in control over my money and my cash flow. I also moved back home in order to pay off some debt (credit card and car loan) and save some money.
I was hoping that this whole process would go faster, but I know that no matter what it just takes some time to get things paid off. I hope that after I get the credit card paid off I can go to a cash based system and not put anything on a credit card (unless there is some major emergency.) The thing is paying it off is a slow process...
Getting the idea of my budget has been a bit of a new experience for me. I am very numbers oriented (hey, I was an accounting major for a whole year in college) so I didn't think it would be too challenging. But it's more difficult than I realized. I am struggling with figuring out how much to put into savings, how big a payment to make, how much of a balance to keep in checking, etc etc etc.
I know that it will all come with time... especially since there are some circumstances/timing that's been a bit out of my control. For instance... I have to get my plates renewed and personal property and Christmas spending.... just things that I can't really avoid right now. Also, my paycheck will change at the beginning of the year since I will no longer be covering his health insurance. That should increase my paycheck a bit. So I think that once the new years comes around I'll have a better idea of a budget.
I also decided that instead of saving and paying off debt, that I will concentrate on paying off the debt. The debt has interest associated with it. The quicker I can get rid of interest bearing payments the less I will spend over time. I'm saving a bit each paycheck (not much) but at least it's something.
The other thing that will come up is this stupid divorce. I am dreading having to pay for it, and as I already mentioned, I don't really feel like I should have to pay for it at all. I think he should have to incur that cost. I feel like it's just such a waste of money...
I make a New Years resolution each year, and I'm hoping that this year I can come up with a good one that will address paying off debt and saving money.
I want to be able to move out on my own again. While living at home hasn't been that bad, I know that I need to get out and do my own thing. I want to for sure get the credit card and car paid off before moving out. I would also like to get some savings going - especially since when I do move out it will cost money for somethings I'll need that I just don't have (some furniture, cleaning supplies, random things...) not to mention I won't be able to mooch off the food and supplies at home. I know that will be an adjustment and I would really like to be able to have some savings going. Ideally, I would find a roommate, but I'm feeling like that might not happen... not ruling anything out, but realistic about the chances of it actually happening.
I don't feel like I've been smart with money in the past. Like when I moved home from college and got an apartment before I had a job. This is the time for me to do things right and get set in a budget. I think there's a way for me to get that all done... but I'll have to work for it. It's not something that just happens over night which is frustrating. But I am really looking forward to the day where I pay off my credit card... and then a couple of months later when I pay off my car. Those will be some good feelings!
I just need to get through December first!
I was hoping that this whole process would go faster, but I know that no matter what it just takes some time to get things paid off. I hope that after I get the credit card paid off I can go to a cash based system and not put anything on a credit card (unless there is some major emergency.) The thing is paying it off is a slow process...
Getting the idea of my budget has been a bit of a new experience for me. I am very numbers oriented (hey, I was an accounting major for a whole year in college) so I didn't think it would be too challenging. But it's more difficult than I realized. I am struggling with figuring out how much to put into savings, how big a payment to make, how much of a balance to keep in checking, etc etc etc.
I know that it will all come with time... especially since there are some circumstances/timing that's been a bit out of my control. For instance... I have to get my plates renewed and personal property and Christmas spending.... just things that I can't really avoid right now. Also, my paycheck will change at the beginning of the year since I will no longer be covering his health insurance. That should increase my paycheck a bit. So I think that once the new years comes around I'll have a better idea of a budget.
I also decided that instead of saving and paying off debt, that I will concentrate on paying off the debt. The debt has interest associated with it. The quicker I can get rid of interest bearing payments the less I will spend over time. I'm saving a bit each paycheck (not much) but at least it's something.
The other thing that will come up is this stupid divorce. I am dreading having to pay for it, and as I already mentioned, I don't really feel like I should have to pay for it at all. I think he should have to incur that cost. I feel like it's just such a waste of money...
I make a New Years resolution each year, and I'm hoping that this year I can come up with a good one that will address paying off debt and saving money.
I want to be able to move out on my own again. While living at home hasn't been that bad, I know that I need to get out and do my own thing. I want to for sure get the credit card and car paid off before moving out. I would also like to get some savings going - especially since when I do move out it will cost money for somethings I'll need that I just don't have (some furniture, cleaning supplies, random things...) not to mention I won't be able to mooch off the food and supplies at home. I know that will be an adjustment and I would really like to be able to have some savings going. Ideally, I would find a roommate, but I'm feeling like that might not happen... not ruling anything out, but realistic about the chances of it actually happening.
I don't feel like I've been smart with money in the past. Like when I moved home from college and got an apartment before I had a job. This is the time for me to do things right and get set in a budget. I think there's a way for me to get that all done... but I'll have to work for it. It's not something that just happens over night which is frustrating. But I am really looking forward to the day where I pay off my credit card... and then a couple of months later when I pay off my car. Those will be some good feelings!
I just need to get through December first!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Lost an earring
In the process of the move I lost one of my favorite earrings. The problem is I only lost one of the earrings. I'm still holding out hope that the earring is packed in one of my boxes at the storage unit.
Here's the earring...
They are simple, but I love the length and color... they are my go-to gold earrings. It's sad, because you can never find another pair that will quite compare. I'm hoping the other earring shows up, but I have this feeling that it got left and someone threw it away... Hopefully I'll be able to find something that will compare to this...
Back in college I had my favorite pair of blue earrings...
Then I lent them to a friend, never got them back because she broke them... so sad... I've never found another pair that compares to these.
I guess I'll need to find new favorites...
Edited to Add:
I did a quick etsy search for brushed gold earrings and found quite a few that I like... (possible Christmas present!) - (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)
Here's the earring...
Back in college I had my favorite pair of blue earrings...
I guess I'll need to find new favorites...
Edited to Add:
I did a quick etsy search for brushed gold earrings and found quite a few that I like... (possible Christmas present!) - (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Make Up
I feel like I need new make up. Well I know that I need some new eyeliner, because I'm down to just one color - plumb color (that supposedly brings out the green in my eyes)
I would really like someone to tell me how to do my make up. What looks the best on me. How would I look the best? What's a good day look? What's a good night look? Should I be using brushes instead of what I'm given?
So many questions... I know I could be doing it better. I think I'm okay with make up, but a lot of time it's just smudging it all together until it looks right, haha. There has to be a better way.
I also thing I should do something with my lips, but I'm just not sure what. Eyes are the most important, but I'm sure there are ways to make my lips look better too. I know that Sephora make up is great... I would just like to have better stuff I guess. I've had the same items forever. I should actually probably throw the stuff away that I don't use.
Maybe I should research some more. Or buy some new things as I need them. Although, a good brush set might be useful.
I'll get it figured out someday...
I would really like someone to tell me how to do my make up. What looks the best on me. How would I look the best? What's a good day look? What's a good night look? Should I be using brushes instead of what I'm given?
So many questions... I know I could be doing it better. I think I'm okay with make up, but a lot of time it's just smudging it all together until it looks right, haha. There has to be a better way.
I also thing I should do something with my lips, but I'm just not sure what. Eyes are the most important, but I'm sure there are ways to make my lips look better too. I know that Sephora make up is great... I would just like to have better stuff I guess. I've had the same items forever. I should actually probably throw the stuff away that I don't use.
Maybe I should research some more. Or buy some new things as I need them. Although, a good brush set might be useful.
I'll get it figured out someday...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Caramel Apple Cheesecake Pie
Tonight we had a get together at my dad's house. I decided that I wanted to make dessert. I've been enjoying making new recipes lately and expanding on my baking skills. Plus with the help of Pinterest it's much easier to keep track of all the recipes I see.
A note about Pinterest. I really enjoy it. But I'm a bit different than the average users. I don't really search on Pinterest for anything but more use it for my own bookmarked sites. I pin a lot of recipes that I find while I stumble. This site helps me look at everything at once instead of having to go through my millions of bookmarked pages. It's actually helping me to make more of the yummy things I see online.
Anyway back to today... I decided to make a dessert and decided to make Caramel Apple Cheesecake Pie. Here's the picture I pinned.
It was a more complicated recipe than I'm use to. I made EVERYTHING from scratch including the crust, caramel, apple filling, cheesecake and whipped cream.
I did have some help from my mom... I'm hoping living back at home I pick up some more baking tips than I had. There are just some things you don't learn until you have someone telling you how to do it, or you mess it up. Thanks to her everything seemed to turn out really well.
Here's a picture of my final product taken with my iPhone. (the far side got a little bit messed up from transport)
And here's it cut up... I will admit that my crust was a bit crumbly, but tasted good :)
You can see the crust, then a layer of caramel (this layer should have nuts, but I omitted the nuts b/c my brother's girlfriend is allergic and I wanted her to be able to eat it if she wanted), then apple filling, cheesecake and whipped cream topping.
All but one piece got eaten so I'd say this recipe is a success. I brought home the last piece for mom is she wants it.
Hopefully with the Christmas season approaching I'll be able to try some more new recipes!!
A note about Pinterest. I really enjoy it. But I'm a bit different than the average users. I don't really search on Pinterest for anything but more use it for my own bookmarked sites. I pin a lot of recipes that I find while I stumble. This site helps me look at everything at once instead of having to go through my millions of bookmarked pages. It's actually helping me to make more of the yummy things I see online.
Anyway back to today... I decided to make a dessert and decided to make Caramel Apple Cheesecake Pie. Here's the picture I pinned.
It was a more complicated recipe than I'm use to. I made EVERYTHING from scratch including the crust, caramel, apple filling, cheesecake and whipped cream.
I did have some help from my mom... I'm hoping living back at home I pick up some more baking tips than I had. There are just some things you don't learn until you have someone telling you how to do it, or you mess it up. Thanks to her everything seemed to turn out really well.
Here's a picture of my final product taken with my iPhone. (the far side got a little bit messed up from transport)
And here's it cut up... I will admit that my crust was a bit crumbly, but tasted good :)
You can see the crust, then a layer of caramel (this layer should have nuts, but I omitted the nuts b/c my brother's girlfriend is allergic and I wanted her to be able to eat it if she wanted), then apple filling, cheesecake and whipped cream topping.
All but one piece got eaten so I'd say this recipe is a success. I brought home the last piece for mom is she wants it.
Hopefully with the Christmas season approaching I'll be able to try some more new recipes!!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Full Mind
Have you ever had a lot on you mind but nothing at the same time? It feels like my mind is going over a lot, but at the same time I don't really have much to say about it.
I even tried to write out some of the things I was thinking about and I couldn't get much past two sentences... I even wrote these things on regular paper thinking that it might not be blog worthy or something I even wanted to share... but nothing
I've thought about texting a friend to talk, but realizing that I really don't have much to say.
It's just strange. I'm not really sure what I want to say. I thought it might have something to do with Thanksgiving being yesterday and the first holiday without him... but I'm honestly not sure it has anything to do with that.
The thing is I don't know what it has to deal with. I'm feeling slightly anxious and either I don't know why or I don't want to admit why to myself... I mean that kind of thing has happened before.
I do know it does have something to do with this divorce. I was talking to a new person on Wednesday night and I didn't want to admit that I was getting a divorce. I think that's two fold... that I enjoy having conversation with people that just flat out don't know... it's a nice change of pace from the emotional conversations and the telling 'how are you doing?' questions. The other reason is I am somewhat embarrassed by the fact I'm getting a divorce. I either don't want to explain the reason or the fact I'm 27 or that it only lasted 3 years and all of that. It just sucks... and I don't feel like it's a good representation of myself or whatever.
I don't know... a lot of times I feel fine with everything and as soon as I'm really believing I'm fine, I get all sad all over again. It's like a freaking switch or something and I'm just starting to get annoyed by these drastic mood changes. It's just frustrating. I know that I have to go through all this to get better, but it just sucks in the mean time. It just flat out sucks.
But these are just a few things that are stuck up in my full head... I hope this post makes me feel a bit better... I just want to feel happy more... and not feel so sad at the drop of a hat. I feel like I can be totally fine one second and the next my eyes are welled up with tears because I'm sad. I'm pretty sure this is normal, but that doesn't make it any better or easier or whatever.
I'm just ready to be there... I guess... I don't know... (this post has taken a weird turn... sorry... it's funny how things can spill out once you get going... you can probably read my emotions turning throughout a post... might not be the easiest read, but it's honest!)
I hope this post doesn't make me sound like I'm sad all the time, because I'm really not. Just sometimes and the fact it comes out of no where just doesn't help. And some of the things that make me sad are just unavoidable... so it's hard to separate myself from everything that will make me upset.
I'm really mostly happy... my friends make me happy, my family makes me happy, the things I've gotten to do since this all went down have made me happy, even the new adventure I get to go on makes me happy at times (new apartment someday, a house, a first kiss, meeting new guys that might even be BETTER for me, new friends, getting to plan things, my own budget and money, being debt free (besides the students loans which I don't count), etc) so it's not like everything sucks... it's just that I'm emotional... and that in itself sucks.
Okay, I feel like I've really babbled on quite enough for this post. Hopefully sometime in the next few posts I'll have a recipe to share... as long as everything goes well!
I even tried to write out some of the things I was thinking about and I couldn't get much past two sentences... I even wrote these things on regular paper thinking that it might not be blog worthy or something I even wanted to share... but nothing
I've thought about texting a friend to talk, but realizing that I really don't have much to say.
It's just strange. I'm not really sure what I want to say. I thought it might have something to do with Thanksgiving being yesterday and the first holiday without him... but I'm honestly not sure it has anything to do with that.
The thing is I don't know what it has to deal with. I'm feeling slightly anxious and either I don't know why or I don't want to admit why to myself... I mean that kind of thing has happened before.
I do know it does have something to do with this divorce. I was talking to a new person on Wednesday night and I didn't want to admit that I was getting a divorce. I think that's two fold... that I enjoy having conversation with people that just flat out don't know... it's a nice change of pace from the emotional conversations and the telling 'how are you doing?' questions. The other reason is I am somewhat embarrassed by the fact I'm getting a divorce. I either don't want to explain the reason or the fact I'm 27 or that it only lasted 3 years and all of that. It just sucks... and I don't feel like it's a good representation of myself or whatever.
I don't know... a lot of times I feel fine with everything and as soon as I'm really believing I'm fine, I get all sad all over again. It's like a freaking switch or something and I'm just starting to get annoyed by these drastic mood changes. It's just frustrating. I know that I have to go through all this to get better, but it just sucks in the mean time. It just flat out sucks.
But these are just a few things that are stuck up in my full head... I hope this post makes me feel a bit better... I just want to feel happy more... and not feel so sad at the drop of a hat. I feel like I can be totally fine one second and the next my eyes are welled up with tears because I'm sad. I'm pretty sure this is normal, but that doesn't make it any better or easier or whatever.
I'm just ready to be there... I guess... I don't know... (this post has taken a weird turn... sorry... it's funny how things can spill out once you get going... you can probably read my emotions turning throughout a post... might not be the easiest read, but it's honest!)
I hope this post doesn't make me sound like I'm sad all the time, because I'm really not. Just sometimes and the fact it comes out of no where just doesn't help. And some of the things that make me sad are just unavoidable... so it's hard to separate myself from everything that will make me upset.
I'm really mostly happy... my friends make me happy, my family makes me happy, the things I've gotten to do since this all went down have made me happy, even the new adventure I get to go on makes me happy at times (new apartment someday, a house, a first kiss, meeting new guys that might even be BETTER for me, new friends, getting to plan things, my own budget and money, being debt free (besides the students loans which I don't count), etc) so it's not like everything sucks... it's just that I'm emotional... and that in itself sucks.
Okay, I feel like I've really babbled on quite enough for this post. Hopefully sometime in the next few posts I'll have a recipe to share... as long as everything goes well!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thankful
I think it's always nice on Thansgiving to post some things I'm thankful for... especially this year.
I am thankful to have amazing family and friends that support and care about me. The past few months have shown me that I am loved and people are there for me no matter what. I could not be more appreciative of those people. They are helping me get through this tough time and I know they will continue to be there to support me.
I am thankful to have two lovely kitties. They recognize me and want to be around me. It's silly to be supported by two cats, but them just wanting to be close makes me happy.
I'm thankful for having a job that I love (most of the time) it's been stressful here for things that are related to my job duties. I'm throwing this one in because I need to remind myself that I've got it pretty good here.
I'm thankful that I only have three classes left in my master's program.
I'm thankful I've been given the opportunity to pay off some debt and start fresh (in a sense)
I'm thankful that the Cardinals were able to pull off a World Series win!
I'm thankful for good food... mmmm
Okay... those last couple were a bit silly... but the first one is the most important. Since I know that some of my friends and a lot of my family reads this blog... thank you so so much. Even though I complain sometimes, it really means so much that you care about me and take the time to check up on me.
I hope everyone has a Happy and plentiful Thanksgiving!!
I am thankful to have amazing family and friends that support and care about me. The past few months have shown me that I am loved and people are there for me no matter what. I could not be more appreciative of those people. They are helping me get through this tough time and I know they will continue to be there to support me.
I am thankful to have two lovely kitties. They recognize me and want to be around me. It's silly to be supported by two cats, but them just wanting to be close makes me happy.
I'm thankful for having a job that I love (most of the time) it's been stressful here for things that are related to my job duties. I'm throwing this one in because I need to remind myself that I've got it pretty good here.
I'm thankful that I only have three classes left in my master's program.
I'm thankful I've been given the opportunity to pay off some debt and start fresh (in a sense)
I'm thankful that the Cardinals were able to pull off a World Series win!
I'm thankful for good food... mmmm
Okay... those last couple were a bit silly... but the first one is the most important. Since I know that some of my friends and a lot of my family reads this blog... thank you so so much. Even though I complain sometimes, it really means so much that you care about me and take the time to check up on me.
I hope everyone has a Happy and plentiful Thanksgiving!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
NFL Week 12 Picks
Thanksgiving week!!
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions
Miami Dolphins vs. Dallas Cowboys
San Francisco 49ers vs. Baltimore Ravens
Minnesota Vikings vs. Atlanta Falcons
Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Tennessee Titans
Carolina Panthers vs. Indianapolis Colts
Arizona Cardinals vs. St. Louis Rams
Buffalo Bills vs. New York Jets
Houston Texans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Chicago Bears vs. Oakland Raiders
Washington Redskins vs. Seattle Seahawks
New England Patriots vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Denver Broncos vs. San Diego Chargers
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
New York Giants vs. New Orleans Saints
Me
Susan
Both
After 11 weeks... somewhere along the way I messed up my math... so I'm needing to go back and figure it out... hold on...
Okay figured it out... I didn't realize how many games were certain weeks so it was throwing some stuff off... I recalculated everything and here's the scores after 10 weeks!
Susan: 93-67
Jenn: 104-56
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions
Miami Dolphins vs. Dallas Cowboys
San Francisco 49ers vs. Baltimore Ravens
Minnesota Vikings vs. Atlanta Falcons
Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Tennessee Titans
Carolina Panthers vs. Indianapolis Colts
Arizona Cardinals vs. St. Louis Rams
Buffalo Bills vs. New York Jets
Houston Texans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Chicago Bears vs. Oakland Raiders
Washington Redskins vs. Seattle Seahawks
New England Patriots vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Denver Broncos vs. San Diego Chargers
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
New York Giants vs. New Orleans Saints
Me
Susan
Both
After 11 weeks... somewhere along the way I messed up my math... so I'm needing to go back and figure it out... hold on...
Okay figured it out... I didn't realize how many games were certain weeks so it was throwing some stuff off... I recalculated everything and here's the scores after 10 weeks!
Susan: 93-67
Jenn: 104-56
Thanksgiving Tradition
I know that I've written about this in the past... but that was two years ago and might have people that didn't see the post before, so here's this year's
(looking back that was my 200th post... do you know what this post is? 485!)
Every year for Thanksgiving my mom makes pumpkin cookies. Then we decorate them. It's something that I'm sure we looooooved doing as a kid. And as my mom says, them go from mounds of candy to actual faces and personalities. It's hard to decorate so many cookies... I mean, you run out of good ideas after like 5 cookies, but you push through and end up with adorable cookies.
It's fun, and at this point we can't stop doing it! It's a tradition and the families we bring the cookies to depend on them... and would really miss them. I know it's a pain for my mom at times, but she'll be doing it quite a bit longer (sorry mom)
Here's a picture of this years lovely cookies!
I did the two bottom rows in the picture above... my mom did the two rows on top. Lindsey's cookies are below and out of site (sorry sis) and I did the ones off to the left.
It's a good time and something I look forward to every year.
SIDE NOTE: Also, we use to decorate them on the night before Thanksgiving. Does anyone remember that they use to have magic shows on that night? Like every year there would be some magic special and it was awesome. I remember decorating cookies and watching magic. So much fun!
(looking back that was my 200th post... do you know what this post is? 485!)
Every year for Thanksgiving my mom makes pumpkin cookies. Then we decorate them. It's something that I'm sure we looooooved doing as a kid. And as my mom says, them go from mounds of candy to actual faces and personalities. It's hard to decorate so many cookies... I mean, you run out of good ideas after like 5 cookies, but you push through and end up with adorable cookies.
It's fun, and at this point we can't stop doing it! It's a tradition and the families we bring the cookies to depend on them... and would really miss them. I know it's a pain for my mom at times, but she'll be doing it quite a bit longer (sorry mom)
Here's a picture of this years lovely cookies!
It's a good time and something I look forward to every year.
SIDE NOTE: Also, we use to decorate them on the night before Thanksgiving. Does anyone remember that they use to have magic shows on that night? Like every year there would be some magic special and it was awesome. I remember decorating cookies and watching magic. So much fun!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Weekend in Review
Thought I'd tell you about my weekend...
On Friday night I met some friends for a Happy Hour at Pujols 5. I'm really enjoying the concept of happy hour these days, especially at a place like Pujols where things are on the cheaper side. The HH turned into an extended HH, and it was just nice to drink a bit and relax.
On Saturday my mom and I used a Groupon to see the Da Vinci Machines exhibit.
As the website says the exhibit is on loan from the Museum of Leonardo da Vinci in Florence, Italy, contains over sixty hand-crafted inventions built from Leonardo's 500 year old designs and is the life work of three generations of Florentine artisans, who have painstakingly brought to life the creations and concepts devised by the brilliant scientist, inventor and artist Leonardo Da Vinci.
It was really interesting and I got to learn more about DaVinci. I knew that he had invented a lot (and is left handed) but I got to learn a lot more. It's really cool. I wouldn't pay the full price ($14 per person) to get in, but at the Groupon rate (half priced tickets) it was worth it!
After the exhibit we decided to get a snack so we went to The Fountain on Locust. I've been there once before but I think it was my mom first time there. (PS Mom, their website says they were voted best bathroom in America, might have to check that out next time)
It's super tasty and the whole menu looks good. This time I wasn't so so hungry so I had a bowl of the Tomato Basil Bisque. It was yummy. This place is kinda like a soda shop (they will make you the olde time soda) and ice cream. So you have to get ice cream when there!
We got the standing banana split which is described on their menu as "A tall glass with a bruléed banana and scoops of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream, layered with crushed strawberries and hot fudge. Topped with real whipped cream." It was messy to eat, but totally awesome!
After that little adventure with mom I hung out with my good friend Liz and her fiance. We went to the 1904 Beerhouse in River City casino. I love this place because they have Woodchuck Amber Cider on tap - yum yum!! I also got a pizza which was pretty good, just super cheesy in parts.
On Sunday I spent the day either procrastinating school work or doing school work, then Monday was back to work.
How was your weekend?
On Friday night I met some friends for a Happy Hour at Pujols 5. I'm really enjoying the concept of happy hour these days, especially at a place like Pujols where things are on the cheaper side. The HH turned into an extended HH, and it was just nice to drink a bit and relax.
On Saturday my mom and I used a Groupon to see the Da Vinci Machines exhibit.
It was really interesting and I got to learn more about DaVinci. I knew that he had invented a lot (and is left handed) but I got to learn a lot more. It's really cool. I wouldn't pay the full price ($14 per person) to get in, but at the Groupon rate (half priced tickets) it was worth it!
After the exhibit we decided to get a snack so we went to The Fountain on Locust. I've been there once before but I think it was my mom first time there. (PS Mom, their website says they were voted best bathroom in America, might have to check that out next time)
We got the standing banana split which is described on their menu as "A tall glass with a bruléed banana and scoops of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream, layered with crushed strawberries and hot fudge. Topped with real whipped cream." It was messy to eat, but totally awesome!
After that little adventure with mom I hung out with my good friend Liz and her fiance. We went to the 1904 Beerhouse in River City casino. I love this place because they have Woodchuck Amber Cider on tap - yum yum!! I also got a pizza which was pretty good, just super cheesy in parts.
On Sunday I spent the day either procrastinating school work or doing school work, then Monday was back to work.
How was your weekend?
Monday, November 21, 2011
School Update
I'm not sure the last time I gave an update on how school is going...
School is going well, I am starting to get burnt out... I've pretty much had school work to do every week (with the exception of three weeks off) since February. So admitingly it's gotten a bit old. This class I'm currently in is a bit rough I'll say... it's a Multimedia Development class and I've had to design multimedia presentations. I've had to edit video and record and edit my voice. You know how much it sucks listening to your voice over and over and over again... yuck. Plus it's just taken me awhile to perfect certain elements of the media and with Window's Movie Maker crashing and not editing like it should... well it's made things stressful for sure!
Over than that - things have been going well. A week from tomorrow the term will be over. I'll have a week off (always enjoy) and then start up my penultimate term. I have just 3 classes left!! Two classes next term and then one class after that. I will be done in May and I'll have my Master's degree. So I think the light is there and I'll be really happy to be finished and go back to not feeling guilty about school work - haha but then I'll have the dreaded student loans back... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
School is going well, I am starting to get burnt out... I've pretty much had school work to do every week (with the exception of three weeks off) since February. So admitingly it's gotten a bit old. This class I'm currently in is a bit rough I'll say... it's a Multimedia Development class and I've had to design multimedia presentations. I've had to edit video and record and edit my voice. You know how much it sucks listening to your voice over and over and over again... yuck. Plus it's just taken me awhile to perfect certain elements of the media and with Window's Movie Maker crashing and not editing like it should... well it's made things stressful for sure!
Over than that - things have been going well. A week from tomorrow the term will be over. I'll have a week off (always enjoy) and then start up my penultimate term. I have just 3 classes left!! Two classes next term and then one class after that. I will be done in May and I'll have my Master's degree. So I think the light is there and I'll be really happy to be finished and go back to not feeling guilty about school work - haha but then I'll have the dreaded student loans back... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Glittery part 2
You'll remember my post on glittery shoes... Well, I'm back to share some more glittery clothes - b/c well, I am in love :)
There is a skirt on my Christmas list... it's from JCPenney and the picture won't copy over here - so feel free to check it out, I believe it's Skirt 2
The rest of these items are from Express (they have a sequin shop) like the shoes, they are on the pricier side of things... but swoon :)
A tank
A lovely dress
A purple dress
A sexy mini skirt
Oh how fun it would be to be sparkly!
There is a skirt on my Christmas list... it's from JCPenney and the picture won't copy over here - so feel free to check it out, I believe it's Skirt 2
The rest of these items are from Express (they have a sequin shop) like the shoes, they are on the pricier side of things... but swoon :)
A tank
Saturday, November 19, 2011
NFL Week 11 Picks
Whoops - forgot to pick Thursday's game again... need to get better about that!!
New York Jets vs. Denver Broncos
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cleveland Browns
Carolina Panthers vs. Detroit Lions
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Green Bay Packers
Buffalo Bills vs. Miami Dolphins
Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings
Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Baltimore Ravens
Seattle Seahawks vs. St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals vs. San Francisco 49ers
Tennessee Titans vs. Atlanta Falcons
San Diego Chargers vs. Chicago Bears
Philadelphia Eagles vs. New York Giants
Kansas City Chiefs vs. New England Patriots
Me
Susan
Both
After 10 weeks!
Susan: 82-64
Jenn: 93-53
New York Jets vs. Denver Broncos
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cleveland Browns
Carolina Panthers vs. Detroit Lions
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Green Bay Packers
Buffalo Bills vs. Miami Dolphins
Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings
Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Baltimore Ravens
Seattle Seahawks vs. St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals vs. San Francisco 49ers
Tennessee Titans vs. Atlanta Falcons
San Diego Chargers vs. Chicago Bears
Philadelphia Eagles vs. New York Giants
Kansas City Chiefs vs. New England Patriots
Me
Susan
Both
After 10 weeks!
Susan: 82-64
Jenn: 93-53
Friday, November 18, 2011
Hunger Games
I'm not sure if I've mentioned on this blog or not that I read The Hunger Games series. It's a set of three books and it is so so great. I read through them so fast. The first book in the series is probably my favorite. It is a very interesting read. The story is set in a post apocalypse world. There is a Capital the runs everything and has all the wealth. Then there are 12 districts. It's interesting because some parts of society are very advanced (hovercrafts, genetic testing, etc) and but the people in the districts are poor and like our heroine hunts for food.
The Capital forces each of the districts to select two children - one male, one female - (between the ages of 12 and 18) to participant in a fight to the death with only one winner, called the Hunger Games. I know what you might be thinking - why would I want to read a book about children killing each other. Yes, the concept is kind of crazy, but I'm dead serious when I say this was one of the best series I've read in quite awhile. And I would recommend reading it before the movie comes out. Not because the movie looks bad... oh, no, quite the contrary... b/c if you're anything like me you'll appreciate it a lot more before it starts gaining more hype. I read Twilight waaaay after it became popular and after the first movie was release. I didn't like Twilight that much... but I think I would have liked it more if I read it before it was super duper trendy.
Anyway... the full trailer for Hunger Games came out last Monday... and it makes me UNBELIEVABLY excited about the movie, which happens to be coming out the weekend before my birthday. Since I have a few friends that are just as excited I'm hoping we all see it together.
Anyway... take a look at it, and then read the freaking books... you'll thank me someday...
The Capital forces each of the districts to select two children - one male, one female - (between the ages of 12 and 18) to participant in a fight to the death with only one winner, called the Hunger Games. I know what you might be thinking - why would I want to read a book about children killing each other. Yes, the concept is kind of crazy, but I'm dead serious when I say this was one of the best series I've read in quite awhile. And I would recommend reading it before the movie comes out. Not because the movie looks bad... oh, no, quite the contrary... b/c if you're anything like me you'll appreciate it a lot more before it starts gaining more hype. I read Twilight waaaay after it became popular and after the first movie was release. I didn't like Twilight that much... but I think I would have liked it more if I read it before it was super duper trendy.
Anyway... the full trailer for Hunger Games came out last Monday... and it makes me UNBELIEVABLY excited about the movie, which happens to be coming out the weekend before my birthday. Since I have a few friends that are just as excited I'm hoping we all see it together.
Anyway... take a look at it, and then read the freaking books... you'll thank me someday...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Honor Flight
Before I leave the topic of my grandparents I wanted to share something I also shared on Facebook. Shortly before my grandma's death my grandpa participated in the Honor Flight program. If you've never heard of it, here's a video that my mom actually sent me quite awhile ago - I guess they are making a documentary about the program
My grandpa is a World War II veteran. And he finally took his honor flight trip at the beginning of the month. He went with the Central Missouri Honor Flight program. His nephew went along with him as a guardian. From what I heard about the organization this trip was very well run. They thought through lots of potential circumstances and bring along nurses, doctors and a 'guardian' for every two veterans. They walk them through what to expect including airport security which can be an issue. I can't remember all the places they visit while in DC, but includes WWII Memorial, Vietnam Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. They are only in DC for a night and is a pretty quick trip. They really want all WWII (and Korean) veterans to take the trip.
I saw my grandpa before the trip and could tell he was excited. I haven't gotten to talk to him much after about his trip - just b/c of the circumstances with my grandma, but from what I've heard he had a wonderful time!! What's even more amazing is the Columbia Missourian wrote an article about the program and my grandpa, Virgil Watson, is quoted throughout it. You really should take a look at it here.
It's a great not-for-profit. I am so happy Grandpa got to take this trip and enjoy it. One of the best parts (that they kept a surprise from the Veterans) was they did a mail call on the flight. Friends and family were asked to write letters that were given to each of the Veterans on the flight. How sweet is that??
Anyway... take some time and view their site, the article or at least the video. They all make me tear up a bit.
My grandpa is a World War II veteran. And he finally took his honor flight trip at the beginning of the month. He went with the Central Missouri Honor Flight program. His nephew went along with him as a guardian. From what I heard about the organization this trip was very well run. They thought through lots of potential circumstances and bring along nurses, doctors and a 'guardian' for every two veterans. They walk them through what to expect including airport security which can be an issue. I can't remember all the places they visit while in DC, but includes WWII Memorial, Vietnam Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. They are only in DC for a night and is a pretty quick trip. They really want all WWII (and Korean) veterans to take the trip.
I saw my grandpa before the trip and could tell he was excited. I haven't gotten to talk to him much after about his trip - just b/c of the circumstances with my grandma, but from what I've heard he had a wonderful time!! What's even more amazing is the Columbia Missourian wrote an article about the program and my grandpa, Virgil Watson, is quoted throughout it. You really should take a look at it here.
It's a great not-for-profit. I am so happy Grandpa got to take this trip and enjoy it. One of the best parts (that they kept a surprise from the Veterans) was they did a mail call on the flight. Friends and family were asked to write letters that were given to each of the Veterans on the flight. How sweet is that??
Anyway... take some time and view their site, the article or at least the video. They all make me tear up a bit.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I was thinking
As I mentioned this past weekend my Grandma passed away. She was 93 years old and I know she lived a good, happy life. Her wake and funeral service was beautiful. It was nice sharing memories of Grandma and we even got to look at some old pictures I've never seen before. Including young pictures of my dad (who looks exactly like my brother) and even my grandparents on their wedding day. Now that was a cool picture to see, how young and good looking they were. I hope to get a copy of that picture... it's a classic old time photo!
So while funerals can be really sad... they can be a good time for family to get together and share memories. My cousin (who is like my parents age... I have a strange family when it comes to that) gave a speech at the service and it was very good. I'm glad someone in the family had the courage to get up and say something... I would have cried... plus I'm not a good public speaker.
Another thing I was thinknig about is my grandparents were married for 60 years this past April. 60 years... can you believe that? I've been bummed recently that my marriage is ending... and that the hope/dream is over for a long long marriage. But what I realized is my grandma was 33 when she married my grandpa. That's a bit older (especially when you consider that generation) and they had 3 kids. I really worry that some of the things I want in my life won't happen (kids, happy marriage, etc) but looking at that... my grandma had a wonderful, life full of both of those things... and I'm not 33 yet. I could still get married and be together for 60 years... I can still have 3 children... it's still possible. Those are the things that's hard for me to really believe... but the proof is right there in my grandparents.
I don't want to turn this into a woe-is-me post or anything... but what life tells you (and recently showed me) is everyone's life journey is different. Those that seem happy now could have hardship tomorrow... you're life can be "planned" out and disaster strikes. Life can be looking super crappy and then you meet a wonderful person... I don't know what my life will bring me, just as much as you don't know what your life will bring you. Enjoy it... live it... do it.
Who knows what I'll be telling my kids or grandkids 50 years from now (or if I'll be alive 50 years from now or have those grandchildren) but I know my life will be interesting and quite a story. I will be at peace and happy about what I've done and what I've expereienced. This is just a minor bump in the road that is life. I do need to keep remembering that. It's hard when you want know things will be ok, or you'll get the things you want. I need to trust everything will end up a-ok.
How about all that profound speaking??
So while funerals can be really sad... they can be a good time for family to get together and share memories. My cousin (who is like my parents age... I have a strange family when it comes to that) gave a speech at the service and it was very good. I'm glad someone in the family had the courage to get up and say something... I would have cried... plus I'm not a good public speaker.
Another thing I was thinknig about is my grandparents were married for 60 years this past April. 60 years... can you believe that? I've been bummed recently that my marriage is ending... and that the hope/dream is over for a long long marriage. But what I realized is my grandma was 33 when she married my grandpa. That's a bit older (especially when you consider that generation) and they had 3 kids. I really worry that some of the things I want in my life won't happen (kids, happy marriage, etc) but looking at that... my grandma had a wonderful, life full of both of those things... and I'm not 33 yet. I could still get married and be together for 60 years... I can still have 3 children... it's still possible. Those are the things that's hard for me to really believe... but the proof is right there in my grandparents.
I don't want to turn this into a woe-is-me post or anything... but what life tells you (and recently showed me) is everyone's life journey is different. Those that seem happy now could have hardship tomorrow... you're life can be "planned" out and disaster strikes. Life can be looking super crappy and then you meet a wonderful person... I don't know what my life will bring me, just as much as you don't know what your life will bring you. Enjoy it... live it... do it.
Who knows what I'll be telling my kids or grandkids 50 years from now (or if I'll be alive 50 years from now or have those grandchildren) but I know my life will be interesting and quite a story. I will be at peace and happy about what I've done and what I've expereienced. This is just a minor bump in the road that is life. I do need to keep remembering that. It's hard when you want know things will be ok, or you'll get the things you want. I need to trust everything will end up a-ok.
How about all that profound speaking??
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A couple of recipes
Everyone by now has heard of Pinterest I'm sure (and if you want an invite just let me know)
Well, I've made a couple of the items off of these... well, actually ones I found online and then pinned.
A few weeks ago for a food day at work I made Chocolate Chip Cheesecake dip and it was super duper yummy!!
And I made these brownies for a trivia night that are supposedly 'like crack' and there were also super delicious... chocolate, brownie, peanut butter... um yes please
I really enjoy making new things!
Well, I've made a couple of the items off of these... well, actually ones I found online and then pinned.
A few weeks ago for a food day at work I made Chocolate Chip Cheesecake dip and it was super duper yummy!!
And I made these brownies for a trivia night that are supposedly 'like crack' and there were also super delicious... chocolate, brownie, peanut butter... um yes please
I really enjoy making new things!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Explanation of Prints
When I was collecting ideas for prints for my list I ended up finding quite a few (20!), I just wasn't able to limit myself once I saw them. There's some that are very similar but there's also ones that are very different. So, just because I thought it would be fun for me (I do need blog entry topics too). So here's some commentary on the prints on my list.
Print 1 - I like the color and the interesting shapes. I think it's cool that it's an actual print too
Print 2 - I love trees and I like the interesting colors in this print. I like that the leaves are white
Print 3 - I think this one is sweet and while some people may find it sad, I think it's a bit uplifting and friendly. Like I'm there for you kind of thing.
Print 4 - I like interesting paintings and the colors and the sheen on this paint just makes it different.
Print 5 - I like the orange color and all the circles. I could look at this picture for a very long time
Print 6 - This is of a tree but very different than the norm. I love the pink color but the angle and the tree branches are very interesting to look at. I could imagine this going well with my other tree photo.
Print 7 - I think this is a really nice quote that would be good to see every day.
Print 8 - I love this tree... I think it's so sweet. I love the background colors, and the two birds sitting together. I love the sun and the spiral branch... swoon.
Print 9 - Well, I guess you can see my trend with trees, this little collection of trees could be really pretty in a wall in my future home.
Print 10 - This one you're probably thinking WTF... but I find it charming and different. I think its sorta funny and all the mustaches are funny.
Print 11 - This one is a bit different as it's actually fabric. But I think framed it would look better different and give a different texture to the wall. Plus isn't that background awesome!
Print 12 - This one is really fun... are we surprised how many trees are up here... I really enjoy tree branches... I long the curves of the trunk with the sun and the swirl blue background... it's calming
Print 13 - Okay, speaking of calming, this one is very calming with those colors and the feel of water or dye or something. I think it's interesting and could look at it for a long time. That's what I like in artwork... things I could stare at forever.
Print 14 - I think this one is fun and reminds me of glitter or confetti... I like all the colors and how it could look like something different depending on my mood.
Print 15 - now the artist calls these angels, but I think of birds or fairies. I just thinks it's interesting and different.
Print 16 - This one is just really pretty. All the different colors and the tree and the moon. I love the blues and oranges and the fact it spans 5 pictures. It would make quite a statement on the wall.
Just realized the print 14 and 17 are the same, haha
Print 18 - love the colors of the leaves and the fact it looks like sponges... I like how the paint runs a bit and the great branches... so interesting.
Print 19 - I know this is a post card, but I could see this framed in a photo collage on the wall or in my red accented kitchen.
Print 20 - Here's just a nice artist skyline of St. Louis... even though the Arch isn't quite right in dimensions I like it.
Print 1 - I like the color and the interesting shapes. I think it's cool that it's an actual print too
Print 4 - I like interesting paintings and the colors and the sheen on this paint just makes it different.
Print 5 - I like the orange color and all the circles. I could look at this picture for a very long time
Print 7 - I think this is a really nice quote that would be good to see every day.
Print 8 - I love this tree... I think it's so sweet. I love the background colors, and the two birds sitting together. I love the sun and the spiral branch... swoon.
Print 9 - Well, I guess you can see my trend with trees, this little collection of trees could be really pretty in a wall in my future home.
Print 10 - This one you're probably thinking WTF... but I find it charming and different. I think its sorta funny and all the mustaches are funny.
Print 11 - This one is a bit different as it's actually fabric. But I think framed it would look better different and give a different texture to the wall. Plus isn't that background awesome!
Print 15 - now the artist calls these angels, but I think of birds or fairies. I just thinks it's interesting and different.
Print 16 - This one is just really pretty. All the different colors and the tree and the moon. I love the blues and oranges and the fact it spans 5 pictures. It would make quite a statement on the wall.
Just realized the print 14 and 17 are the same, haha
Print 18 - love the colors of the leaves and the fact it looks like sponges... I like how the paint runs a bit and the great branches... so interesting.
Print 19 - I know this is a post card, but I could see this framed in a photo collage on the wall or in my red accented kitchen.
Print 20 - Here's just a nice artist skyline of St. Louis... even though the Arch isn't quite right in dimensions I like it.
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