Yesterday Sucked

I have been getting progressively sicker the last couple of days.  What started as allergies has turned into a head cold full of stuffiness, sore throat, running nose, sneezing and coughing.  And I think I made it all so much worse yesterday by getting myself all emotional and sad.

I have been feeling sad lately... I can't really put into words the exact reasons why I'm getting sad... but they have to do with feeling abandoned by the one person I thought would never do that, feeling lied to since he talked to everyone on the planet about our situation before me, and that feeling of everything between us was finally getting good, he finally got the steady job, his schedule was finally becoming firm, we were starting to clean up and do things with the house, pay off debt and his medical issues were finished... so I dealt with all the bad and we were finally entering the good only for me to get dumped...

Anyway... I've been feeling sad about those things among many others that don't make any sense or aren't easily put into words.  So when I woke up yesterday... all that crap was still on my mind... and just making me feel like crap...  Then I come to work and pretty much realize that I didn't get an interview for a position I should have gotten an interview for.  I don't know the reasons and work really rather refrain from talking about work on here... but that just added to my overall bummed attitude.

The final thing that happened was a realization that I had been unfriended on Facebook by every single one of his family members... every one.  It really feels like a collective f-you in my opinion.  Long story short... I confronted him about it and proceeded to have one of the ugliest cries I've had in a long time.  I mean... there was tears, hyperventilating, snorts, sloppy nose... it wasn't pretty...  And sadly it was with him on the phone... great... I don't look pathetic at all...  He really doesn't get why I'm upset about this... and I flat out told him it hurts, and despite the fact he thinks that unfriending people on FB is no big deal - it is.  They all went out of their way to delete me... like I was the one who did something wrong.

I get the whole families take sides thing... but I guarantee had he given my family the choice that they would not be doing that to him.  I really feel like his family is acting rude and immature.  They need to realize that we are friendly and ok with each other and it's not a mean hurtful divorce.  And the fact that he doesn't understand why I'm taking offense and feeling hurt and upset about it... well... that's just crazy.  I was part of that family... I felt included and loved... and the fact they can disown me that fast... well... that's incredibly hurtful.  And at some point I will let them know... when I can write a letter without it just being mean.

So after that horrible cry... I had worked myself up to a giant, horrible headache.  So, I went home, at dinner with my mom and sister and went to bed... I planned on just watching some Law and Order SVU, but fell asleep for a few hours... then got up and couldn't fall back asleep.  I should have submitted my homework assignment before - so that's probably want woke me up the most needing to wake up and get that turned in.

Overall - yesterday was just a craptastic day... and now this morning I'm feeling even worse (sick wise).  So at the convincing of a friend I've decided to take a half day and go home and get some rest.  She pointed out that stress can really take a toll on your body.  And while I didn't think emotion was stress... it really really is.  I now believe that the reason I feel worse today is in direct relation to all those dang emotions I stirred up yesterday.

So, roughly two hours from now, I'm peacing out, maybe grabbing some lunch and going home to sleep... I feel crappy for having a pretty wasteful day Monday (although I did do homework and make a yummy dinner), and last night was wasteful... and now today will be another wasted day... but it might be just what I need... after all I have a jam packed weekend that I really want to enjoy.

So lets hope that whatever is going on with my body - sickness wise - just gets better and not worse... I really hate being sick, on top of everything else.