A Couple of Small Things = A Big Step Forward

I haven't really written about the divorce in awhile.  I haven't really needed or wanted to... but here's a small update in case you are interested.

There were some things that I wasn't sure how I was going to handle... actually there are still some things I don't know what I'm going to do - like my wedding ring or wedding photos and stuff... but that's not what this post is about.

Over the course of a few weeks I've taken three steps in what I feel like is the healing process.  Once I completed the last of these three it just dawned on me that I felt like I took a pretty big step forward.

1. I can't remember if I did this first or the next thing first, but honestly it doesn't matter much.  I went through my phone and deleted all of the pictures of him.  I was just sick of them getting in the way of other pictures I wanted to view.  I did keep the pictures of the dogs for the time being as it's something I'm not sure how I want to handle (add it to the list!)
2. I went through my Facebook page and removed all of those pictures too.  I also untagged myself or removed from page any pictures of us together.  This was a pretty time consuming feat... but it felt surprisingly refreshing to have that done. (another thing on this list - how to handle past blog posts
3. Finally, I changed the background picture on my phone.  Ever since I got this phone (August 2009) I have had the same background picture of a Imos heart shaped pizza.  This really didn't sadden me when I looked at the phone - b/c I heart shaped pizza is a happy thing - plus I would get comments on it and I thought it was cool.  But it's time to get rid of that too.  So now it is a picture of the World Series Game I attended with my sister.

These probably sound silly... and might sound like I'm trying to delete him from my life... and I guess in a way that's exactly what I'm doing... but it's more than that.  He was a big, important part of my life... a big part... and I don't know how you handle something like this which is why I've waited 5 months to make these changes... the truth is it's just a step in the moving on process.  Just because I deleted pictures doesn't mean I'm deleting my memory... but it's nice to not have to see that stuff all the time.  Like have things that will sting when I see them.  I did this with a level head and not out of spite or anger... and I'm happy about that.

In the end I feel like I'm a big step forward and that truly, honestly feels wonderful!

Fourth time

I am mentioned this before, and I wanted to get a little update on my situation.  You might remember this post from roughly a year ago.  It will give you the full background.

What I'm here to day is that it hasn't gone away yet!  Monday I went in for my fourth colposcopy and cervical biopsy.  You would think by this point I would be getting use to the procedure and not freak out like I do... but you would be wrong... very wrong.  I still get all faint and freak out.  This time in the middle of the procedure I was feeling really bad.  Like really sick like I was going to throw up or something... turns out I wasn't breathing... um that might help things!  And it totally did.  Before I knew it she was saying I was all done.  She took two samples and I only felt the first one.  So it really wasn't that bad - but still... I'm awful with these procedures.

So what's the result?  Well, my biopsy came back clear so I'll be back in the office in 6 months.  But this time she said it is up to be what I want to do.  I could elect to have the laser surgery if I wanted.  That should fix the problem.  But I don't know if I want to have a procedure I don't need.  What I've decided for now is that I'm just going to wait.  I'm going to compile a list of questions and try to get a reading on what I should do or what she thinks would be best.  B/c I really don't know and everyone I've asked doesn't seem to know either.

I know there could be come complications with the surgery - pre-term labor or miscarriages... but my doctor thinks that the risk might not be as great as they once thought... since those things also happen to people who don't have the procedure.  She said the studies are very mixed... so who knows.

All I know is that I'll be back in the office in six months and we'll go from there.

Pineapple Upside-Down Cupcakes

A week ago my dad invited us to a trivia night that supported the YMCA by his place.  The 'theme' of the night was luau... there was suppose to be a table decorating contest, although none of us really stepped up to do that one!

Either way, I thought it would be fun to make a luau themed dish.  I decided to make pineapple upside-down cupcakes.  I found the recipe on Pinterest - but you can find the original here.  As it says in this recipe - "...these cupcakes offer a delicious introduction to baking. Whether they're cutting up ingredients with a plastic knife, arranging the fruit in the bottom of each cup, or mixing the batter, beginning bakers get plenty of chances to pitch in."  Now, I know they are probably referring to children by saying an introduction to baking, it's an easy way to know that this recipe isn't going to be waaay difficult.  And it really really wasn't.

At first, I thought it was really weird... I had to get a cupcake pan out and put a pad of butter (not melted) and a half a tablespoon of brown sugar in each spot.  This seemed really strange, but I did it anyway and placed it in the oven and viola - the topping was made. 

Then you place in the fruit.  One thing I would do differently next time is really push the fruit into the sugar topping more.  Some of my cupcakes you couldn't see the pineapple.  Then you make the batter, place it on top and bake away.

Then you take them out.  The recipe says to let the pan cool for 5 minutes before flipping, although my mom said that she would flip way sooner.  I ended up waiting between 3-4 minutes.  Most all of the topping stayed on the cupcakes, however some of it stuck in the pan.  So flipping sooner may be a good idea.

Here's a look at the final product.

There were quite the hit!  I really like pineapple upside-down cake, and what's nice about these cupcakes is they are already individualized.  Which means you get that bit of crust around the edges that makes it that much more delicious!

How did we do at trivia?  Well... we got 5th out of 22 teams.  It was a lot of fun!  I always enjoy trivia nights, especially with this group of people.  There were a couple of categories that were pretty difficult, including a sports one (Who know some many MLS soccer teams thee are??)

So overall - this recipe is a complete success - I would totally recommend it and will hopefully make it again!

Confluence

I am so behind with writing posts... not sure why...

Anyway... a few weekends ago my mom and I decided to go on a little day adventure to some places we've never been.

Here in St. Louis the bald eagles will come down this way in the winter time.  Well, it hasn't been that cold this year so the eagles haven't come as far south... however they still do eagle days and have places where you can view bald eagles.  So we started off our day at the Old Chain of Rocks bridge.

Here I am walking toward the river from the Illinois side... it felt very wintery with the snow still on the bridge.

Here I am looking out of some binoculars... just pretend this is when we saw the three bald eagles - two in a tree and one flying around... this is not when we saw them,  but what kind of story would that be?  Those little buildings in the river are old water intakes for drinking water.

After we walked the full length of the bridge we left and headed to our next destination - the Lewis and Clark Historical Site at Camp Dubois.  This is where the Lewis and Clark exhibition gathered before they started.  They got to know all the members and waited until it was time to start the Journey.  Some might call this the official starting place... but most people think it's St. Charles...

After that, we went to the Lewis and Clark Confluence Tower.  This is a brand new tower that have some observation decks to view the river, including the confluence of the Missouri and Mississippi rivers.  It was SUPER windy up on the tower... which in January makes for a pretty cold day!  But it was nice getting this view.

After this, we went to The National Great Rivers Museum.  This museum talks about the rivers and things about the river.  It was a nice museum, but we didn't spend a lot of time at it.  They also have the Locks and Dams nearby, but it was windy and cold so we didn't head out there... by this time we had seen a lot of the the river and bare trees and wind and no eagles, haha.  It was a nice museum though, totally free, and lots of hands on activities for the kids, including getting to park a barge (I would have liked to try but all those dang kids were hogging it, haha)

Then we finally headed the actual confluence point at Edward 'Ted' and Pat Jones Confluence Point State Park.  I have been wanting to go to this park for a long time, but I always remember when it's smack in the middle of flood season.  And when it's flood season, the park is closed.  I can totally see why after visiting.  First you turn down this gravel road and drive for what seems like quite awhile in farm land area.  Finally you get to the park and have to walk the quarter mile trail to get to the actual point.  It was truly amazing.

The trail takes you along side the Missouri river.  It was incredible to imagine the Lewis and Clark expedition going up stream on the Missouri river... the current is pretty strong and the river is quite wide.  Both rivers are really pretty up that way.  Then we get to the clearing and can see where the rivers meet.  There are some points were you can stand - kind of like what I've seen at 4-corners, although I've never been there.

Here's the Missouri river on the right side of the picture and the Mississippi on the left.

In this picture above you can kinda notice that the rivers are two different colors.  Here's a fun fact: The Mississippi is not the muddy river.  It only becomes muddy when it combines with the Missouri.  So the Missouri is the muddy river.  So when you hear about the Muddy Mississippi - well, its really the Missouri.

And just to prove that mom was here too...

I'm so happy I finally made it up to this park... it was just really neat and very cool.  After the park we went back over to Alton and had lunch at Chubbies... which is essentially Fast Eddies, but with more food selection.  It was pretty tasty.  We finished the day by driving home and getting some frozen yogurt.

It was a wonderful day and I am so happy to do it with my mom.  I highly recommend all of these places.

Body Ailments

Every one's body has some quirks... we are all different and that's what make us and life interesting.  So I thought I would share some of my body quirks... just to preface before I get into it, none of these are gross or distributing, so if you're anything like me and don't like hearing about how the body works and the nitty gritty details of that - well, this post is NOT about that... it's about some other things that are not gross in the slightest... so fear not reading ahead!

I've googled some of those things that I've experienced but didn't really know what it was all about... except the first one... that one I've known about for awhile.

Restless Legs Syndrome
I've always had this issue, but only figured out what it was in maybe the last 5-7 years when those commercials would come on advertising medicine for it... then it was like oh yeah, that's totally what I have!  As the name pretty much states - my legs are restless.  While the article explains - if can effect other parts of the body, mine is most always in my legs.  I am actually experiencing this right now which is what inspired this post.  I basically get a sensation in my leg... it's a bit painful but mostly super uncomfortable.  I get some relief by shaking my leg, but as soon as I stop the sensation comes back.  It also says that the symptoms usually occur at night or when relaxing... which is very true.  I don't normally get it during the day, but today it's happening!  This line resonated with me "In addition, most individuals with RLS have limb jerking during sleep, which is an objective physiologic marker of the disorder and is associated with sleep disruption."  I am a very jerky sleeper and will toss and turn most of the night trying to get comfortable.  This goes past nights that I have RLS.  Luckily for me it doesn't happen all that often - but when it does it's just super duper annoying!!

Keratosis pilaris
This is a skin condition that causes small red bumps on my skin.  I mostly have it on my upper legs but it pops up in other locations.  There's a picture at that link - most often than not mine are not that red.  The article points out that this resembles goose bumps.  It sounds like it effects pretty many people... I didn't really realize it was anything until I typed it into google a month or so ago.  From what I can tell, there's not much I can do about it.  They don't really bother me, but I would have nicer legs if they went away... that and they were tanned.

Oral Allergy Syndrome
This one is a weird one, that I've sense realized effects a lot of people.  It's what I call a fresh fruit allergy.  Anytime I eat specific fresh fruit my mouth gets all itchy feeling and a bit swollen (although you can't necessary see any visual symptoms.)  Certain fruit effects me more than others - apples are especially bad as are fresh cherries.  It's gotten worse in the last couple of years.  I feel like nearly all fruit (and some veggies) do it to a certain extent.  What that article explains is it's related to hay fever and how the fruit is pollinated.  This allergy isn't life threatening, but it's certainly annoying and I don't eat a lot of fresh fruit because of it.  If I cook the fruit or is in a dish - it usually doesn't bother me.  It's taken me awhile to figure out what this is (although Dr. Google found in in like .03 seconds so why I didn't google is beyond me.)  At first I think people thought I was crazy.  Then I thought it had something to do with fruit not being washed properly or something the farmers sprayed (insecticides maybe?).  Then someone told me it was related to the skin of the fruit.  That one actually made sense for awhile... When it was getting worse and it was a slow day at work I googled it and came across this.  It's nice to have a label for it... but still sucks that fresh fruit may bother me forver... ho-hum.

As with all of these articles... it's nice to read something and realize that's what I have.  Especially with OAS - I was reading my symptoms to a T.  Everything made perfect sense.  I really don't try Dr. Google a lot because it's an easy way to just freak yourself out.  But with these minor conditions - it's nice to know what's going on.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?  Have you ever heard of OAS?

New Years Eve

How is every one's New Year so far?  Mine has been pretty darn good...

But that's not what this post is about, it's about what happened on the last few hours of 2011.  This year I finally did a big New Year's Eve night out.  I have gone to parties in the past and really been mostly disappointed.  This includes when I've been single, dating, engaged, married, whatever... so it has nothing to do with my relationship status... to me New Years Eve is just always a big let down.  Actually someday I want to go back to what we did on NYE when I was younger - party food and board games with the family.  Someday maybe it will be like that again.

Anywho... I put out a lot of feelers for NYE... I didn't really want to plan anything myself, mostly b/c I have a hard time getting people to commit to me, so honestly I didn't want to frustration.  I just trusted that something would come up eventually and I would have plans, and if not, well, whatever, it's NYE.  Luckily my friend Liz came through, researched and picked what we would do.  Shoot, she even ordered the tickets for me (you're awesome!!)  So all I had to do was fork up the money, which I didn't mind doing.

We went to the Rock n Roll New Year's Eve Party at the Lemp Grand Hall.  For $65 it included a buffet (with fillet Minoan if you like that sort of thing), open bar with beer, wine and well drinks, party favors, a champagne toast, live band, and balloon drop (did I get everything??)  It was a lot of fun.  I think if you're going to go out on NYE, all inclusive is the way to go. 

Here we are - I wore my new gold dress, which I think is really pretty

We ate, danced, and drank.  It was really a good time.  I did probably drink too much, but whatever, I don't really do that all that often, so once or twice a year I can (that's what I'm telling myself anyway.)

There was a few moments before midnight that I was feeling pretty sad.  I feel like a lot of these holidays has that sad feeling every once in awhile.  But it slowly gets better.  I let myself be sad a bit, and then I just let myself be happy.  Enjoy being around my friends, enjoy the atmosphere I was in, and count down the last seconds of this somewhat awful year.  I know it sounds so cliche, but this year I just treated that moment as a fresh start.  It was 2012 and who know what that means.  That might be a little scary but it's also exciting.  Who knows what this year holds for me and I can't wait to find out.

At midnight they did a balloon drop which included prizes in the balloons!!! I won a two person admission to Lemp Mansion Comedy Mystery Theater.  Liz will be my date for that.

Overall, it was a great night... (sans the drinking too much... have you ever gone from zero to wasted quickly? It was like everything hit me at once.)

I have regained my belief in the fun of NYE.

How was your NYE?  What did you do?

End of Season Football Results

I said I would be back to have your final totals for the football picks.

Susan lead after the first week, but I lead every other week after - culmulatively.

I will say that at one point Susan felt really far back and made quite a comeback - Good Job Susan!!

She was 11 games back in week 12 and fought back... pretty impressive!! (or was I just making lousy picks... haha)

Anyway... here is the final tally!

Susan:  155-101
Jenn:  158-98

Just three games separated us!

And just because I like comparisons...

In 2011 my record was 152-106 (which I believe is added up incorrectly unless there was somehow two extra games that season...)

In 2010 my record was 166-90

So I ended up pretty in the middle of those two years.

I'll see you back in the fall for football picks all over again!

2012 New Years Resolutions

Well, there's the post everyone has been waiting for... ok, that's probably an overstatement, but I have been thinking about what I'm going to write in this post for awhile now.  After the last two years, I've really enjoyed making untraditional New Years Resolutions.  There are lot of things that I'm hoping to do in the next year, so I'm going to list some of my goals first.

• Have both my credit card and car paid off.  I hope to reach this goal by August.  I am hoping to move into my own apartment around that time too depending on money/savings.

• Bring lunch and stop eating out as much.  I think I'm going to limit myself to two times out per week.  I'm going to clarify here that this particular goal is about me saving money, so if other people are paying it doesn't count in the two week total.  I'd also like to give myself some wiggle room, so I'll add like two flexible times out a month... I think that sounds good... I may need to re-evaluate that, but I would really like to start saving the money.

• Going along with above, I am going to start budgeting more.  I have spreadsheet developed, I'm not exactly sure how it's all going to work out and what particular goals I want to set to go along with this, but I guess the overall goal is to be more aware of where my money is going and hopefully set realistic and good limits for everything.  I will hopefully keep you posted on that once I get into a groove.  Just because I'm taking about it now, I've know I need to budget more but after I moved out there was just so much stuff that's just not normal.  So I decided to start fresh in the New Year.

• For my health - I want to get into a workout routine and eating healthier.  I know eating out less will really help.  The working out will be what I really need to add.  I would love to lose 20 pounds (at least) but right now I just want to add in being active.

• While this isn't so much a goal, but something I am looking forward to... I'll be done with my master's degree in May... holla!!

• Finally, I would like to continue the blogging trend.  Here will be my measurable goal for 2012... I want to blog more in 2012 than I did in 2011.  Like I mentioned, I had 176 in 2011... I'm going to set the goal of 180 posts... that averages to 15 posts a month

So, I'll bold it and make the text bigger here to make it more official:

My New Years resolution is to post a total of 180 posts or 15 entries per month.

What are your New Years Resolutions?

NFL Week 17 Picks

These picks were made before yesterday's games... I just didn't get around to posting them until today - sorry!!

Detroit Lions vs. Green Bay Packers
San Francisco 49ers vs. St. Louis Rams
New York Jets vs. Miami Dolphins
Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings
Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots
Carolina Panthers vs. New Orleans Saints
Washington Redskins vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Indianapolis Colts vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Titans vs. Houston Texans
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Baltimore Ravens vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Cleveland Browns
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos
San Diego Chargers vs. Oakland Raiders
Seattle Seahawks vs. Arizona Cardinals
Dallas Cowboys vs. New York Giants

Me

Susan

Both

I'll give you a count after this week's games